this feeling is coming back..
I hate myself. I swear. To think about the fact that i've moved on from him. I just cant. I'm still stuck here, and now its worst i guess. Because Im still with Michele. Its like, everytime I look at him, feelings.. real feelings comes back. And when Im with Michele. I dont know, I guess. Its a crush kinda feeling. This sucks, I dont know what im feeling at all. I know, this could be all of a sudden to suddenly have feelings for wenwei again but its not. Guess, I didnt truly let go of him. I just claimed as though I am, but I'm not. Still, no matter what. I wont give up on my relationship because of my doubts. Im just in the middle, I dont know what to do AT ALL. I wanna let go of michele, But i know it wont be worth it. But to think that him is all i ever think about is worst. Even Fatimah was like " See la this girl, Michele always think about her everyday and she thinks about wenwei instead " hais. I dont know what i feel, I dont understand myself either. Seriously. I dont know what i want, I'll just try my best to love Michele more than anyone else. I hope.
Thursday, 5th April 2012
Its cross country! hais, Its hmm. Almost been a year, Since i learn how to ride a bike. Yipee! Im sucha pro now. hehe. Came early in the morning, Daddy drive me to east coast park. Came and help with attendance taking. Was wondering where he could be, hmm. Guess he came late? So yeah. He went running off first for his race. Then after a few competitions, went to the tent had to wait there for our turn to run was hoping he would appear and just in time. He did. He was running with amal, they went to the 100plus there i think, and then I have no idea why they turn back. They were walking at my direction but was going to idk, near the tree? Wenwei saw me and acted he didnt, and he was there talking to lerwei and all. The only thing that was separating us was the road and the tree. I too was acting as if i was talking to Atheerah and they all. So I ran, didnt stop at all. And I passed. wooo, oh yeah. I got super dissy, I swear. Really dissy, And I have no idea why of all people i was looking for wenwei. gosh zahidah, really? Was finding for a spot to sit, It was freaking hot I tell you. Super meleket. Then i decided to sit with Atheerah, Haney and Maisarah on the pavement and when i sat i look straight to the soccer field, i see wenwei. I stared at him hoping to get a glance, was looking directly at him. But it looks as though he was looking back. I just dont now. Probably not.. just thinking too much. Skip everythingggg, Andes won the best something award! oh ya, after that everyone was scattered around. Great i was still sort of looking for him.. And yeah. We decided to change into our class tee, so yeah walking tot the toilet and atheerah was like " eh zahidah " I was acting cool with the umbrella LOL. and yeah he was coming from the other way, and we sort of clash. but he was in front of us and Jiahwee and me starting talking behind his back. and i start singing 'call me maybe' HAHA. waited for shannon and the rest, wanted to go mac but we went to BK. cycled there and once i open the door i see his face again. Congratz, one thing about us. We didnt even take a look at each other. Really, But all this friends just lovesss to stare. Hais. Oh well what to do?
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