Stay home sunday.

Yup. Everyone. though they promised not to, but they did anyways. I'm nothing special so they left, it was that easy. Whats the point of asking them to stay anyways, If they wanted to. Life's different now. Better, not bitter. But I gotta admit, there are still those days when i feel so blue. He left, He found someone new, He replaced me, He's happy. & I am too. But I deserved it, I know. Nothing matters to me anymore. I've met some guys, one or two.. promise not to leave to always stay by my side and will wait. lol. I don't wanna lower my walls down again, I don't want to get myself hurt again. After the day, he left for good. I thought i was going to be.. sad/depressed/hurt, i thought id do crazy stupid things just to get him back. But.. no. I believe i'm stronger than before. Though he did affected me alot those past few weeks but, fuck. I'm never going to be that weak again, I'm not gonna lower my standards just because of him. Hell no. People asked me 'how do you handle it? the pain' Some even told me, ' wow, youre strong. i wish i could be as strong as you to lose somebody you've been through w for a long time..'  To be honest, I dont even know it myself.. Thank you god for giving me the strength. 

Sunday, 18 November 2012

What a cold rainy Sunday, and.. guess what? I've yet to start on my homework. but naw, I'll save it for later. mwhehehe. wow its been 3 months since i... blogged? okay. those past few months, gosh it meant a lot to me. I'm not going to sit here and blog about how sad or how happy i am, but how thankful i am actually to still be here. How's life the past few months..? its been a ride, like really. Emotional roller coaster ride. To lose somebody who meant and still mean a lot to you? when you depend all your happiness on them.. when they're your best friend, your shoulder to cry on.. who's been there for you for a year and a half and just decides to leave..? for a girl? for someone better? I don't know, but for all i know. When the worst is admitting you're the one who fucked things up, making him change into somebody i used to know. But its his life, thats what he wants. As long as hes happy. Nobody can stop him. I was too late, I'm always too late to try to make things better. But life goes on. Regret is unprofessional. Do you ever do this, you think back on all the times you've had with someone and just replay it in your head all over and over again and you look for the first signs of trouble? I've been thinking alot these days, the possibilities in life, if i had the guts to take chances, would i? To think about it again, I've never put in that much effort for someone before, and to realize its gone, It makes me think that i should do what i do best, Not care at all. Even my girlfriends told me, this is the first time they've seen me like this or else, I wouldn't give a fuck at all. They've never seen me at my lowest till that day, when i came bursting into the room crying my heart out cause usually i'd just cry for minutes and.. i'll get over it within a week or so. But does this even matter anymore? I guess not. Lowering down my walls.. was the worst thing i've done because i've never done that not to the point whereby i let him affect me so much. Curse you taylor swift. ' cause when you're fifteen and when somebody tells you they love you, youre gonna believe them ' great. I believed him. But to see it all gone to waste, it saddens me sometimes. guess it didn't mattered to him anymore. Unfollowing them on twitter, on instagram, deleting pictures, blocking them on facebook, trust me. It wont help you to forget them at all, because you never really could erase someone out from your memory. but instead, it would make you remember them more. Some even asked me to find someone to replace him too. I dont think i could ever do that, but I dont want to find somebody to 'replace' him, I'll wait for the right guy to come. There's no point in rushing, I dont even think i'll ever be ready to be in a relationship all over again. Being all sad and bitter wont change your past, so I always keep my head up and stay strong even though i've got every reason to break down. Well now lets look on the bright side.. hmm. Lets see, when he's gone. All of my past came back, weirdly. yes my past. We've all grown up now, being friends and.. yknow actually forgetting about our past ridiculous mistakes. Its great isnt it? I also realize there are lots of people out there that cares too. :) For example, theres this guy.. Idky but i think its fated that me and him meet up again, hahahaaha seriously. We met in 2009? If im not wrong, then we texted and got closer, his friends always disturb us together just because we always text.. then idk what happened after that we stopped talking for about a year or so? then he talked to me in fb, but i really couldn't be bothered. When i shifted my madrasah to another branch, I met him again? And we started talking till today. I mean see, anything can happen along the way. He's from raffles institution, such a nice guy, freaking smart and sweet though ..yeah. And no, I don't have feelings for him but that guy has dreams. He's more like a goodfriend to me. He always gives me motivation to study and do well in my exams giving me tips too. hahaha, Imagine if he reads this. Gosh, he's gonna kill me :p One thing about me? I dont really like to... show my appreciation to anyone, wait.. its because I dont know how to. But yeah, I'll treasure the people close to me right now. I'm glad i have right now in my life. 

' & if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I will smile at you with joy '