What's happening?


May 15, Wednesday
To be honest, I don't know where to begin. Everything's a mess, or maybe just me. I guess I'm being paranoid, but I don't think so because things that I don't wish to happen, happened. My girlfriends and I are drifting away and yknow what's the best part? Our excuses are 'busy schedules' or 'different plans'. I don't know, I don't blame them either. I gotta admit, I've not been much of a good friend to them lately. It's just that, I don't know what to say. Everything is just plain awkward shit, it's like M doesn't like the guy I'm with cause they used to be a thing well.. Not really a "thing" but best friends kinda thing but he/she is now close to my used to be close friend and..... Me and him aren't talking yup because of one incident, I don't know how to say it but things just happen and we stopped talking..? So I guess he/she is awkward with me cause maybe he/she is afraid that I'd would feel mad? Idk that's what I'm guessing cause to be honest, I don't really care about them. Okay maybe I do, but why does him or him has got to do with our friendship? Oh well I don't know. May look as if I don't care, but I gotta keep it in. Who else would listen to my stories? In the end, I'm the one to blame. 48, drifted too. But 8, still talks to me though we share secrets though we seldomly talk on the phone we still catch up with our lives. We're like "secretly" connecting cause I bet no one notices that we're close. 4... I don't know, things got awkward also I really do wanna talk to her but I have nothing to say so I'd rather smile and walk away? P, well she's having a hard time with J so I don't blame her as well guess she needs someone to be there for her all the time like her guy friends, I'm of no use at all. It's like they don't know how much I wanna listen and give my response but after hearing it I'm just like "oh.. Haha" I just can't. I suck at showing my emotions to people. But I'm really thankful though for H being there for me all the time, she/he so far is the only person I can count on. Thank you. 
Sigh, I don't know what to do. Like 8 said "if only we can gather all of them together and ask them to 'spit' everything out, maybe going to Starbucks and talk shit out" yeah. Hahaha. I'll pray things get better for all of us, so we can finally be united again.  

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