No one to turn to,

Friday, 5th April 2013

I've learnt a lot of things this year like for example, Have you ever felt that the people you are surrounded with.. well i don't know, lets say.. people you 'cant' trust? Everything's different now, even with my girlfriends. Everything. Everyone's falling apart, nothing is going to be same because no one bothers to make it right. It's hopeless really. I don't know, whenever i try and i want to be there for someone, anyone i just disappoint them further.. i can't seem to put the right words into place and i don't know i can't cheer anyone up. How pathetic, well only at times i can listen and give advices. Well, only to certain people i can tend to open up and share everything.. sucks huh? when the person you really wanna share your problems with is the one well.. not causing the problem but idk, i cant seem to share anything w one of my girlfriend whom i call a bestfriend. I guess its just a title? People assume too, but really to be honest, I don't think nor feel as we are. Sucks huh? It's not that i dont try but everytime when i try to say "okay spill, whats up?" yes we share, but well... the response towards each other is just.... lacking. Really. Okay whatever, lets move on. I should stop thinking about it. Secondly, I've learnt to not put in effort or count on anybody too much or else i'll get hurt like before. Now i know how it feels like when i don't appreciate their effort or i don't see it. It hurts especially to the person you care about the most, and they don't notice at all. It's either that or they're just busy looking out for somebody else. I miss tepung, sigh. I've got a good friend, He's really nice and sweet and at times i don't know if he's being sarcastic or telling the truth. I mean in friendship, we're suppose to have trust right? I don't even know if he has any trust towards me, really.. the irony how i call him my goodfriend and....................... i barely tell him anything at all. Sometimes, I wonder if he notices my effort, even if i don't mention bout it.. doubt so. he's too busy w his crush. There are days though when he send me back home? But really, I feel like it's out of guilt to compensate the times when he's out hanging w his friends playing basketball. Yes it is not wrong to have a hobby but.. guess he's just different? what if.. your friendship w him won't last? He treats me like a normal friend anyways, sigh zahidah, you can't expect him to be treating you like a princess like how he used to when you guys were bestfriends. You're expecting too much, no zahidah no. You've learnt your lesson, you're going to change into a better person remember, w/o him? You're over him, you know that. uhmm

"tried and tried to let you know, 'i love you' but I'm letting go"