Dear diary,

Hi, i swear. my feelings for you right now. its like, half of them, gone. when you walked pass me, nothing. i mean nothing, like u know when youre still in love that feeling. gone. sometimes i tell myself, isit true? that my feelings for you, is fading? cant believe it. really, but somehow the feeling to not give up. its still there. urgh. maybe, just maybe. im over you. but whenever, whenever i look at you and i see you smiling at some other girls, or maybe just joking around with them. ouch, it hurts, and furthermore. what do you care? you're selfish, rude, and mean. you've changed. alot, 08october. i dont think, you remembered. the tears, the laughter, the memories we've shared. how do you act as if it doesnt hurt? k whatever. my only wish, someday you would realised how much you mean to me, and i hope the memories will kill you one day, like how it killed me. so today? hahaha, awesome. we were like going back and forth after school, well me and amirah. went to canteen, ...

28/01/11. fuck youu shaziq! for not coming, hahahaha. k whatever, so went to school. daily same routine, GUESS WAD. I SAW LUCAS AGAIN, this time i sat infront of him. wohooo ~ k dah shutup, i reached bedok. i turned to look at him, he already looked at me ! then he waved and smile, omgggggggzxc la. Art lesson, was a picnic session. hahahaa, everyone in my table brought food but it wasnt planned. hehehee, Ifaaf bought cookies, thila bought kinder beuno, i bought nuggets. zakiyah, well. she kemot ah, CHEH. then IH, hahahaha. I paid attention in class, such a goodie good girl. aww. Recess, hmm. I didnt eat, i had to like talk to this girl who find fault with a friend of mine, yeah. i swear, she look so FUCKING INNOCENT, but after i heard the things she said, wahh. So yeah, walked to her table. tell her off, she looked at me as if like she's gonna cry, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA. omg, im such a bastard. blahblahblah, he walked the table i was like standing at purposely to hear what we were sayi...

when there's love there's hope? so um, yeah. today school, great? i guess. went to school, saw alif at inter talked to him, oh! before that, daddy woke up again, to give me breakfast (': love you daddy. sent me of to the mrt, took a seat. then daydreaming, and u know wad? suddenly lucas walked pass me, smiled and waved. OMG. i was like, hehehehe. to myself. k gile i know. reached school, raining. got off bus, he's there. like right beside me, stupid alif walk so fast. then i catch up, he drop his floorball stick :P walked to the canteen, people stare. we like so kecoh can, with our tie and all. HAHA. then other table, u know who stared. wadeveee. oh, went up school hall. then took pledge blahblahblah. firs period, PE ! played the flyfly thingy. dont know how spell. scold yiyi :P hehee, bastard ah. CT, was boring. really boring, madam rubiah ahmad ah -.- oh! here's the best part recess. so i was buying my food, at the malay stall. and so a few mintues later he came, ...

nope, not anymore. now you're one little mr- gangstaa wannabe. gosh, please dont mix with the wrong people. i miss the old you so much :'( im sorry that the incident we've been through changed us. oh! did i mention, that he actually asked me, ifaaf, shaziq out? for lunch or something. but in the end he canceled it cause he didnt feel like going, gosh. i wonder why, all of a sudden he asked :/ it was like on the monday, then i went crazy and shit. hahahaa. but, in the end. he claims that he was busy, then today while i was back to school accompanying shaziq, he walked pass with jeremy, hmm. it was an excuse though, oh well. idk, i felt so happy when he asked, but then after cancelling it its like, wadeva. okay moving onnnnnnn! so yeah, today errrrr. ummmmm. woke up at like 5 plus, daddy jumped out of his bed, omg. he woke up for me to make breakfast cause he say, its the most important meal of the day. hahaha, cute or wad. he very sweet la. blahblahblah, must be there at lik...

Fuck this shit, i think im jealous. :/ oh well. 25/01/11 lets talk about yesterday, so umm tuesday. maths, blahblahblah. mother tongue, bullcrap shitos. blahblahblah, pe. ohh! drama, beside my table, well jarett's table. hmm, dont wanna mention it here. blahblahblah. ishine was awesome, miss anisah was like talking about sex ab- something, hahahahaha! she said, girls have more umm, how to say uh. like protected. hahahah, laugh here and there, guys were thinking dirty. wad th' f. English, all the wayy. I kpo, went to miss parvin's table and take her chop thingy for toilet break :P hehehehe, i chop every of my book. so the budak kecil, ohh well. home, hmm, was english. I did all the work, just asked su ying to re-write wad i wrote :P sec2 enrichment sucksssssss. but it was awesomee. salman from 213, i think made everyone laughed because of his gigi :B and the 'cannot close his mouth' properly. hoho. then when, err. i forgot, i think we went back home or slack somethin...

nevernevernevernevernever. and please stop bugging shaziq. asking him why i cant let go, i didd nowww. bluekkkkkkkk, moved on. proved you wrong. HI. dont u ever miss those times? where we will ALWAYS go to airport after school. then, asking shaziq to go infront so that we can have our alone time together. Meeting banjo, going tampines one roof top holding hands, and some other things. u playing with my hair, i lying down on your leg. hmm, thanks to me. i've changed everything ~ i even changed you :/ i blame myself for it. yesssss, okay i get it. i can be the most annoying person you ever met, despite all of our fights. to be truthful you are the best i ever had, i meant. the words i said, im just too insecure. im moving, moving on. being ur friend is all i ever wanted, a normal friend. no fights no nothing, no looking back. just friends, hope you know who u are. xoxo, ((; omg, i know i sound like a despo freak. urgh, i swear i hope karma hits on him back. hard. so yeah, this post i...

tww, fuck you. gtfo. 20/01/11. thursdayyyyyyyyyyyy! hee, sucks. had drama, by that not the cca la. the, real thing. omg, idk whats his problem, all i want him to do is just fuck off my life. everytime i try to avoid him, he keeps coming back, sumpah irritating. like freaking EVERYWHERE ok. EVERYWHERE, kill me. please. i need a counsellor, but that bloody shit wont help though. I think ms nura can help :) i hope. she's the nicest teacher, to me, so had PE. had to run, ikr. the stupid relay, tired. i didnt stop, hoho. yesaaaaaah! so proud of myself. -wavewave- ICT, texted peopleeeeee, hehehe. that year head in my class, wads her problem man. recesss, uhm. i forgot wad i did, but yeah. hahahahahhaha. k im so retarded. scienceee, i had to present this vanguard sheet filled with the science stuff, and blahblah. maths? while walking, i looked up at the next level. yeah, i saw his classmates, gosh. omg, stop it can. then his friend all trying to find for him, nabei. omg, get this. im over...