Ambivalent


Saturday, 15th December 2012
Precisely. Especially when i start to scroll through twitter at night sometimes, or come across some shit i didn't look forward to.. just like yesterday. I saw something that broke my heart into pieces. Wait, what am i saying? Its already shattered into pieces anyways, i don't wanna bother picking it up again. That feeling.. when you know, you've moved on like really you do. You look at them(him&her) and you're just there thinking, 'they would be great together' then after that when you somehow accidentally came across something you see between them.. your eyes start to get all wet and teary, and the best part? It fell.. automatically. Its been a really long time since i've last teared for him, and this tears just.. fall. All of a sudden. Out of nowhere. And the next thing i knew? I was crying myself to sleep. Seems dramatic but.. i dont know really. I dont know what im feeling.. I'm confused. Do i miss him? yeah, of course. Or do i miss the things we once did? Maybe the reason why i cried last night.. was because idk, everything he once did with her. Is the things he did with me. Pathetic? I know. The way he types.. the way he talks.. he's becoming like me. yes yes. weird, I know. What's even weirder? He's trying to forget me yet he does all this things.. Ironic really. But the real question is.. Do i love him? I.. cant seem to answer that myself either. Its like.. idk i feel like we have this weird connection between us, but i doubt so though i'm confident that what we had once.. was real. I slept at 5:45 yesterday, and gosh now i'm really having a bad headache. While I'm wide awake, he's no trouble sleeping..So i decided to give good friend a text message. Y'know every single time, I text him how sad i am because of this 'who ha' the next thing i know, is... i feel pathetic and that i shouldn't make myself feel this way. Maybe thats the reason why, i love being around that gundu. He gave me a reply like a few hours ago, and good-golly he's like ' why are u sad? ' then blablabla nags. & finally he ends it off with a 'if you feel sad, be awesome instead' hahaa, yeah he copies HIMYM. I miss him though. and.. ya. Now i'm right here.. exactly 3am still wide awake, talking to another long lost friend. We made friends in the bus.. i know i know its weird, but him and his other friend started to disturb me and amirah. It was during our Sec 1 days, In bus 28. Yupp.. He's a nice guy too. Well.. Amirah and I are taking things realllllllllllllllllllllllly slow, we always turn to each other if we get sad/mad/jealous or whatever, getting advices from each other. Yeah, i can totally understand her. I just can't wait for school, Its my escape.. getting away from all this and just being around my friends.. being happy. Yeah, I can definitely do that. Before i know it, I'll be out from pingyi and probably just enjoying life as it is. I made a bet with Jiahwee & I'm going to stick with it. Hahahaha. 
ttfn, major headache alert. Nanights.

"ti voglio bene?"

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