Dear diary,

urgh, zahidah. look what you've done, now you want your bestf back. omg, sham. you're right, I think i do like him :/ fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-ck la can? AND OMG, 5 months single for meeeeeeeeeeee :) yaaaay. brava zahidah! make it to one year okay? Wednesday, 30 march 2011. woke up at like, six plus. hahaha, cause its fucking wednesday :) sooo, school started at 8 plus. so like i headed to mac. ohmyg. wanna know something weird that happened again?! so when i was otw to mac, i thought bestf would be there with the others, but he didnt. I was supposed to wait for amirah but shes like freaking late laa, she took taxi with keshvin -.- pfft. hahahhaa, saw faris talked to him then i took the same double deck bus as him. and guess what?! when i turned, bestf was there. uuuuuuuuurgh. see! fucking weird and yeah weird. :/ I got this awkward moment with him, i was kinda smiling to myself cause faris was like asking me to stop drinking my drink or else i'll get "stomped...

Today is a happy day! :) Hii! Its been awhile since i blogged, had alot of bullcrap lately. yeah, alot. Im not gonna talk about the past but let me give you a summary of it. well, hmm. I onced contact this guy he's A. We pretended that we are like 'together' hahaha. it was fun though those past few days, till... one day. I fell for his trap. I suddenly pretty much. Kinda like him. grrr, oh! and there's bestfriend, well i have kinda this bit feelings for him. grrrr. omg. im confused, oh! one more and theres HIM. yknow, that guy. you've always been hearing about. urgh, so theres like 3 of them. nooooooooooo, im no playgirl or what shit. but yknow, that mix feeling yeah that ): but nahh~ its okay, i've gotten over A. and bestfriend, well abit. HIM, somehow im still waiting :/ Tuesday, 29 march 2011. Woke up at 545, hahaha. this and that like about 620, took the train. waited for the bus. wanna know something veryvery weird? I remembered ifaaf mentioning about she a...

Im trying too okay? I hate everything. I hate everyone. Gosh, I wanna drown myself in isolation now. One by one, problems like everywhere. I think alot, so much. I can feel as if my head could explode into tiny atoms. Now in life i know, You cant trust anyone. Even if it means, the one u once love. No one, Everyone of them is wearing a mask behind them, everyone. After losing my bestfriend, that shit hurts most. I mean, how could he. Oh wait. He didnt even take me as his bestfriend, thats how stupid i was thinking he and i were. I swear, he changed. He's ego, fuck it. I mean, Its worst than before. Thinking that he's ALWAYS right. Screw everything, After what i said in the message. A few days later i thought about it again, and i thought friendship was more important than my ego and pride and so, i decided to put it aside and apologise. Cause' he's all i ever wanted as a bestfriend. Despite if he changed, I will accept him for him as he would for me. Feelings change, Pe...

what if one day, your bestfriend left you? would you do anything to get him/her back? Answer here

bestfriend said he was sorry, and then i replied that. bestfriend. its no longer the same without you. I miss you and us, memories. So much memories. For all i know, you'll never be replaced alright? eventhough we're no longer friends. I dont get why im crying, i mean. He's only a guy bestfriend, nothing more. oh wait, i knew him since my break up with idiot jerkface. He was the only one whose been there for me all this while. Entertaining my crap and insecurities.

I think about 'us' eventhough 'us' doesnt exist no more.

i lied. gosh. omg, why. why. am i waiting for something i know that isnt going to happen? no hope, no anything. and im here waiting like a retarded fool. wishing you would come back, but hell no' even if the world is coming to an end i wont ever hear those three words again. rejecting every single guy who comes near me. gosh zahidah. Even losing my own bestest friend in my whole entire life. who mean alot to me. fuck. Friday, 11 march. Art was the first period, so yeah. as always had loads sa fun, but yeah. there were like sad times, i mean really. sad. I cried, cause of my best friend. I hope he realise who he is. gosh, i dont know i mean he meant alot to me. But apparently he doesnt gives a shit no more. Whenever i see him, walking pass. I'll grow quiet. Or else, we would run to each other and say,"Hi" with alot of enthu. gosh, i miss those times. Ifaaf cried in the hall, whao. sad day really, i guess. IH, sean walked pass me and he texted me asking if i cried, i wa...

why im blogging about friday? idontknow, cause its like awesum. Well, this happened about a few fridays ago. hahahaha. There was two fridays to take note actually, well. Apparently both fridays were nice. hahahaha. Apparently i forgot whats the date, sorry! ): Friday, Part 1. So today? hahaha, was fine. Daily routine, i woke up slightly late again. Haha, eh look! its lucas, yknow. seeing him made my day, so so much. He waved and hes like so friendly please. In the hall, I sat beside this china girl, name Jiang lin. I asked for her name in chinese. I iz pro please. hahaa! First period, Mr tan! :)) yaay. Hes not gonna teach in our school anymore, sadded. Cause he said our class is superb irritating, which is not. cause really, our class depends on the teacher. ahahha, So Jia hwee was like," zahidah! come here" I went to her, and she told me shes having lunch with HIM HIM. I was like REALLY? she asked me to follow her, so i agreed then. IH was nice, me and Ifaaf was like beranga...

So like the past week, we had IPW week. Or was it the last two weeks? we didnt had CA though. Cool right? okay, awesumm. i know. hehehe. We had camp, and umm some class project which is due-d soon but my group and i is done with it, yay mee! :) Camp. I love camp, alot please. I mean my instructors are like super gerek! to the max, hehee. So like the first day, we got to know each other. My instructors name was Wan&Mok. But i got Wan, Ifaaf group is Mok. omg, The instructors first impression of me was minah, sadded. hahahaa, i am not! eventhough, i act as the minah tudung. but im not): hahaha. so yeah, we had loads of fun, surprisingly. Our camp got beds! hahaha, so i slept beside ifaaf. hee. Check in, and then started of with the activities, I was closer to Mok first. then, like after the past few hours, after washing up and all. theres this instructor, his name is, Zul. He disturbed me with the dirtydirty stuff. stupidddd me. During lunch, I asked mok for him. then he was like, O...

Its the eighth of march, wow. But really, nothing happened. hmm, nothing will i guess. Anyways, sorry for not updating these past few days, really tired and superb packed and busy. So. Imma' blog about today okay? :) sometimes, I wonder. do you even count those days? Tuesday, 8 march, 2011. Wake in the morning, and then yeah it was raining ~ so daddy sent me to school, hehee. So like yeah, i reached canteen. When came, he looked. as i turned, he looked away. I sat alone, cause benjamin and thila when somewhere else. hahahaa, they came back about 5 minutes later. they were exploring ! ): superb scary, ben forced to go with thila. and yeah, we went near the library superb dark laa. we saw a figure, a girl figure. Ben was talking to it, gosh. Well, then it was gone ._. omg. i dont know la, i dont believe in it though. hehee anyways. moving on, so yeah. Assembly, I was in the same row as him. i dont know if i was hallucinating, but it seems as if he was looking at me, i mean. not tryi...