The day you went away.


14 November, 2015
It's been only a day since he left. Weirdly, all I can think about is him. Well, my friendship with him. I hate how attached  and unattached we both are. Along the way, Ive also realised that no matter how many miles away we're from each other. I don't think I can ever lose a friend like him. No matter how much I find fault with him, at the end of the day. I'll always be the one who says sorry first. Sucks but it's true. And if one knows me well enough, I'll never be the first one to admit to my mistakes. In this 'relationship' that we have/had, we turn off all feelings but I gotta admit. On some days, it'll switch on  by accident. Even if I don't want it to. I guess I've also realize that, no matter how one built up their walls so high they'll have a soft spot for the ones they actually truly care about. And again, it's sucks. Sucks even more to find out that don't mean nuts to him, okay I guess I do there are days where I feel I'm putting in a lot more? 

Ugh today, I was just so pissed off at what he said to his brother. "I'm a friend who's just here to send something, oh and she works here as a security officer" okay not exactly what he said but it was along those lines. No wait you know what's the best part after he said it? He laughed abit and just said "sorry". Little did he know, That I actually took note about it. I brushed it off just so I won't make it a big deal about it, since he's leaving anyways. But it kept playing in my head, like what was that suppose to mean? At least if he wanted to introduced he could've said that I was his close friend, well that's if I really meant something. But I won't blame him because, I'd be embarrassed too. I'm 24, a soon to be pilot, who's friends with a what? 18 year old student who hasn't achieved much in life. That's my point, I'm nothing to be proud of. I may act all tough, talk all tough but I guess It’s just a front to protect myself from my own vulnerability. Stupid I know. At the end of the day, I told myself to forget about it cause I know I don't wanna lose him, and also I don't wanna seem weak cause I fucking know I'm not. 

Of course there are days where I just wanna hug him so tight and spam him with kisses. I just.. Sigh. Just one of those days. 

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