Dear diary,

"THEY SAY TO BE YOURSELF, BUT WHEN YOU DO. THEY JUDGE YOU."  Saturday, 15 June 2013 Y'know after thinking a lot and constantly crying-yourself-to-sleep, listening to advises. I  finally came into my senses and realize that you can never please anyone in your life especially your friends. Well, not all of them. Just some. Those are the people that would bring you down and you have to put them aside and just ignore them. You don't have to care about what they say, Just be yourself. People make mistakes, and often don't realize it, like me. Okay well, I have a scenario. Imagine, your friends the ones you can always count on in life.. actually.. bailed on you. Just like that, they stopped talking to you they act as if you're not there and basically they just treat you like a stranger. And of course, if it was you. What would you do?  Play along? Try to fix things? Or just delete them out of your life? After all, it is your life and if there's nothing yo...

Saturday, 1 June 2013 For a certain someone,  Ada sebabnya mengapa aku menulis dalam bahasa melayu, bukan hanya  kerana keesokan hari ada peperiksaan gce o'levels tetapi juga aku tidak mahu sesiapa yang berbangsa lain tahu tentang perkara ini. Walaupun, agak kelaka tetapi dengarlah apa yang aku harus salurkan.  Apa yang telah terjadi antara hubungan kami berdua? Adakah engkau kesah jika persahabatan ini ataupun tidak. Aku tahu yang aku ini seorang yang penakut kerana tidak dapat mengatakan kejadian ini berhadapan denganmu. Sebenarnya, aku tidak faham akan kejadian kami. Sebelum ini, awak mengatakan tidak mengapa jikalau aku berbual dengan si dia.. Aku pun mengatakan tidak mengapa kalau awak mahu dengan si dia, (kawan baik awak sekarang) tetapi apabila awak bersama dengan dia, sikap awak terhadapku berubah. Aku hairanlah, jika sebab kebetulan nye tentang ini? Adakah dia telah menyebut perkara yang tidak pasti kepadamu? Yang telah membuat awak berubah? Ataupun kerana awak s...

May 15, Wednesday To be honest, I don't know where to begin. Everything's a mess, or maybe just me. I guess I'm being paranoid, but I don't think so because things that I don't wish to happen, happened. My girlfriends and I are drifting away and yknow what's the best part? Our excuses are 'busy schedules' or 'different plans'. I don't know, I don't blame them either. I gotta admit, I've not been much of a good friend to them lately. It's just that, I don't know what to say. Everything is just plain awkward shit, it's like M doesn't like the guy I'm with cause they used to be a thing well.. Not really a "thing" but best friends kinda thing but he/she is now close to my used to be close friend and..... Me and him aren't talking yup because of one incident, I don't know how to say it but things just happen and we stopped talking..? So I guess he/she is awkward with me cause maybe he/she is afraid tha...

Tuesday, 9th April 2013 Hey special someone, I know it has been only a month since we've sort-of known each other but thank you though for always trying to be there by my side, cheering me up with the lamest jokes and always making me smile. I'm sorry that i'm difficult to handle always so annoying, a bit- a bit also want to sad and get angry and sometimes (secretly) getting jealous, haha. but just so yknow I guess that's just me feeling insecure, I feel like i'm not good enough and i never will be? I will try my molto best to never give up on us, making our friendship stronger each day. And It's not that i don't trust you, i do i really do. I just.. well. I'm afraid. There are some days when i just get sad, I just think about life then i realize "hey i got you and my friends, i'm not alone" So don't doubt yourself okay?!  And just because of i have 1234567890 friends does not mean they're all my good friend or my true friend rig...

Friday, 5th April 2013 I've learnt a lot of things this year like for example, Have you ever felt that the people you are surrounded with.. well i don't know, lets say.. people you 'cant' trust? Everything's different now, even with my girlfriends. Everything. Everyone's falling apart, nothing is going to be same because no one bothers to make it right. It's hopeless really. I don't know, whenever i try and i want to be there for someone, anyone i just disappoint them further.. i can't seem to put the right words into place and i don't know i can't cheer anyone up. How pathetic, well only at times i can listen and give advices. Well, only to certain people i can tend to open up and share everything.. sucks huh? when the person you really wanna share your problems with is the one well.. not causing the problem but idk, i cant seem to share anything w one of my girlfriend whom i call a bestfriend. I guess its just a title? People assume ...

Thursday, 14th March 2013 Heyy. Today is a.. Sad and soppy night. Everyone's moody, by that I mean everyone. Ever had that feeling when you don't know who to trust anymore? Like everyone's living in a big lie. How would you feel When u call ur bestfriend and she doesn't pick up the phone when all you need is to just spill everything out and to ask how's everything because youve been busy w your schedule and you don't have time for anyone. This sucks . when everything goes wrong, like when finally you want to let it out how u feel that's when they just disapprove of you? Like yknow, all of a sudden. Attitude. It's not that im scolding her or anything but even little advices she doesnt want to take, it makes u feel well... Pointless? Useless? Its not that I don't wanna tell her stuff but Sometimes that's the reason why I dont share my stuffs w my bestfriend, ironic how my bestfriend isn't my bestfriend. Get that feel? Yeah me too. It's ...

Sunday, 26 January 2013 So here's my second blog post for today. I'd like to dedicate this post to my girlfriends. Each and everyone of them. I know they're having a hard time behind those smiles but i know that deep down there's still that strong side inside of you. You guys do know, I really have a hard time expressing my feelings and sometimes i don't show them at all and I may suck at giving advices but thanks for understanding. hahahahahaa. As the years goes by, I never regretted meeting any of you guys. Up till today, you guys are the only one who never left by my side and I hope it'll be never ending. (the things i blog are words i couldnt say in rl) Jiahwee,  Hey bby. I know you're stalking me right now, right right. hehe, I think i know what had happened but i won't want to mention it here so.. I'm not going to give the usual "cheerup" kinda thing but well.. here it goes. I don't like seeing you sad, I don't li...

Sunday, 26 January 2013 Hello, The last time I blogged was about a week ago? oh gosh, February's coming so soon. O'levels so soon, everything's happening in a split second. I'm suppose to be studying but whatever. So i was talking to a Amirah, Just now. It turns out P was hanging out with L, and I'm like as shocked as ever. And oh god the picture they posted, L did change a lot. I'm ashamed of myself for dating a guy like him, the fuck was i thinking? No, Not the looks. It doesn't matter if i were to date him now, and he looks like that but.. His attitude. Is this the part where i realize, He isn't the guy i want to be with..? Guess i didn't know the real side of him, He was just showing me the side i wanted to see, the side which impress me that actually made me feel guilty for sort of leaving him. When all this while, behind my back, when we were together he's already been doing all this shit and I didn't even know. Or is it because he ...

Sunday, 13 January 2013 Hello there, its been a year since I last blogged eh? haha. I practically have no time, at all. I'm so busy with school. Very busy. Wide awake at 1:37am, doing Amaths. I know right, hard working much? Its almost the second week of school. Things are going smoothly for me, thank god. So last few days ago, Olevel results were given out. It was compulsory for us to seat there and watch them, gosh and I feel so.. nervous all of a sudden. This year, It'll be my turn. Creepy, Scary. Yeah I guess. Most of my seniors were crying.. sigh. Eye candy was behind me, eep. Sat beside Amirah and Atheerah, fangirl with Amirah bout hers. hahaha. Okay anyways, I had CCA on that day itself. The Sec ones are having their cca trial, so.. I made friends with them, such qt pies. Hahaha, and I went back home. Thoughts running through my mind, contemplating whether or not should I ask L about his results. So I asked maybe a few guys for their opinion and they said it'd be...