Dear diary,

Ifaaf, Zakiyah, Thila, Amirah ! you guys, changed my life this 2010. alot, from the nerdy old me. wait, im still nerdy, hahaha. okay wadever, I love you guys ttm. alot k alot, no one i mean no one can seperate us, yes. eventhough we have alott of fights somehow we work it out together, and i like it. hahahhaha, and now something personal for you guys. we share secrets and gossip alot. hohohohohhoo, Ilysm, k kkkkkkk . Ifaaf - omg, this girl. first day of school i was like, WTF? why the hell is she smiling at me. hahahaha, please stop. but instead i kept smiling back. hahahahha, then yeahh. somehow we started talking then, and u thought i wasnt a malay. thanks eh, loll. thenn we started hanging out and chill, hahahah. it was so fun i swear. months pass by, and we both ALWAYS go out together. hohoho, it was an awesome 2010. and with the drama we're like wadevaaaaaaaaa. not only that, you also make me choose the right choices in life, AND AND AND not forgetting the fact that youre so d

right above this post, is my awesome friends. Im veryveryvery duper glad that i've met them, they help me alot in life, But most of them here, cheered me up when im down. they are so awesome i swear, they mean alot to me. Hurt them i kill you. Eventhough some of the above we havent met in reality, I feel like ive known them for like months. wait. I do, HAHAHA :P k wadever. So imma' gonna write something for each and everyone of them, aww. Ikr, I so sweet. hohoho. Ryy dawson - Gosh! Im glad ive met you for real, youve been the best adik ever. I mean it, Im sorry i couldnt cheer you up that well. omg, i suck at it alot. But for all i know, youve been there for me. and i love you for that, thanks alot. You did well for your PSLE, gosh its sad that u couldnt get into my school): ohh well, hope you have an awesome time next year, and dont worry. People do wanna make friends with you, youre nice and duper hyper. hoho, and extremely cute ;D see you soon dearie. Farhana - Ive only kn

I just want you to call me, and tell me how sorry you are for how you treated me. I want you to tell me how miserable you've been for the past 6 months, and how I was and am constantly on your mind. Tell me you compared me to every girl, and they were never enough because they weren't me. I want you to tell me how angry you've been at yourself for hurting me, and how now you'll do anything to be with me, and to make me happy; tell me you'll treat me how I deserve to be treated. BEG me to love you again. Promise me like you promised me before, but this time, mean it. - tumblr. For all i know. It wont happen, -_- dream on zahidah. Ive been dreaming the same thing these past few days that one day we both will be back together again. amin. lool. but idk :/ I dont think he even likes me, i meant like. no more, goneeeee. so much for forever -_- cant believe im still holding on. currently talking to amirah, we're talking about some guy :x omg so cute la. k nvm, i only

He's so different now, by that i meant. like everything, or isit just me? maybe is just me. not texting him everyday and stuff. I wonder who he text with, :/ hopefully. aint some other girl. I wanna go to school so badly, and see him. pshhh, sec ones are coming O: hopefully he wont be aiming for any of them. who knows? Im selfish. I dont want anyone to touch my guy. hee. no im not kidding -_- gawd im hungry. I want my nasi lemak ): heh. somehow im really fed up with some people in my life, i wish ohh how i just wish. I could tell them off. like really, bloody fake. even the closest people im with, so fake. i mean, like buat kawan can ah. but sometimes they go too overboard. and its like fucking annoying you know wad i mean? go and die la can. Being their friends just so you can be popular when in fact in school everybody hates you, well. yeah -_- annoying, irrits. kla. bye, i want sleep. ROFL. text me k. & lately people in my formspring are so annoying keep on asking me about h

cancancan? you laaa, who else. hi! yes, im back from beijing. It was a roughhh start i was sick -_- for the whole week. Shoik or wad. then when i came back only i was like O.O okay. nvm, ahhahahaa. next week, tuesday. meeting up with ryy (: i need shoes man, shoes! gawddd. oh! i bought ray-ban shades there. OHHYEAH. kla. bye.

No pictures to post, so i had to use this one -_- HEHE. Hey, wee. 2 more days, till Beijing. heh, not so excited. but yeah, whatever ah. hahaha, Hehehe. Idris baik eh, since when? ahhaha, idk la. He sakit ah, He said his stress and stuff about girlfriend issue. Well, im soo not gonna get intu this whole problem thingy. Pity him alot, with all the spamming at his facebook. I wonder how is he gonna react. I feel his pain, i mean like. who the hell would want the whole world to know about ur problems. :x i think this boy need some space sorry no offence. and no, he's only my goodfriend -.- okay moving on! wanna know something? i still haven get over that guy. haha, ikr. gahhhhhhh! Amirah, asked me too. So i would, but my feelings fading for him. well, i think thats a good achievement. clapclap- My mind currently revolving on the problems im having, but ohh well. Im a freaking teenager, all i have to do. is like, BE HAPPY. gahhhhhhh. ohhkaylaaa, bye. Later got tuition, last one before

HAHA, ni confirm no one punyaa. Correct or not? hmm, im planning to keep quiet about when im gonna leave singapore to go to beijing and i wanna see who realise :x HEHE. Im such a bad person, but. I just wanna see. Hehe, well. If u read this probably u would know now xD Im going on the sixteen and will be back on the twenty second. man, i know ive been repeating this d: heheeee, somehow im not that excited :/ boo. Oh, and I think i have insomnia. Ive been sleeping so late nowadays, yesterday i slept at six and woke up at like two in the afternoon. gahh, theres just so much thoughts in my mind lately. most of them its because of him i guess, haish. He wont ever realise it, duh. I wish i could read his mind, really. Only wishhh, wouldnt it be cool? Well, only his. gahh! should i wait or not. something ask me to stay, :/ so i would. I guess, sheesh. Oh and one more, didnt know that so many people read my tumblr. I mean like, the ones i didnt expect to. Some even ask me to be happy, Nice pe

Its one of those times where all you can do is lay around on the floor looking up at the ceiling wondering What the fuck is going on? Stressing about almost everything that comes to mind, not knowing what to think about, who to think about, what to do. You lay there asking yourself, why the fuck am I even here? No one cares, what if I wasn’t born, would peoples lives be easier? Happier? Better than meeting me. You have no reach of your phone, no contact with anyone, you just don’t want to tell anyone what could possibly be on your mind because no one cares quit enough to listen to you spill your heart out. You’ve been hurt so many times before, and you don’t even know who to tell anything to. You go out in public with a painted smile on, always pulling off a show so no one will worry. Everyone thinks you’re happy, you pull an act. No one quit knows what’s on your mind, you won’t let anyone really know whats wrong. Once you get home, all those smiles, laughter, and fun ends and its back

I hate crying in front of people. Not because it’s a sign of weakness, I just don’t think they can handle me at my worst. I don’t want my negative vibe to rub off on others because they deserve to be happy. They will probably think I’m a dumbass for crying over something so stupid which is probably true, but I can’t help it. And if they see me like this, it will make them worry and I don’t want them to worry about me. When I try to explain to them why I’m crying in the first place, I’ll just end up crying even more. I end up drowning in my own tears that they won’t even understand a word I’m saying because I’m bawling more than ever. Then when they try to make me feel better it never helps since all they do is constantly say, “Everything is going to be okay” when that phrase is overrated. I’m not as strong as you think I am. -tumblr. well, that post up there, I think its made for me. chehh. step. okay, so. Yesterday i slept at three, kept on rolling on my bed. and having thoughts, as

What if? what if everything we've been through is only the beginning? :/ I swear, I didnt know it could hurt me that bad. the bloody memories, fuck u. Im so cranky today, literally at everyone. I dont know, :/ Its like my world's turning topsy turvey. After this shyt, Everyone's trying to cheer me up. But its not working, at all. Even i. Scolded my own friend, omg. grr, Im just jealous. I hate it. & I swear, i almost cried infront of my mum. Fuck this shit. It aint gonna get better. Im like literally waiting for the fucking rain from this drought, apparently to no avail. He's over there, feeling all A-OK. And im here, feeling like a piece of shyt. Really, its like. yeah, Thian wenwei, You really forgotten about all the things we've been through? really? Everything? :/ Currently, talking to mader, his feeling the same too. gahh, atleast he cheered me up, Haseef and Shikin too. (: Haseef cheered me up with his kelaka-ness, and soo random shyt. Shikin, Well she'

cant believe he's so hawt. That time, now so old. Chad Michael Murray, omgg. Melt i tell you, ahhahaha. Just finish watching A cinderella story. omg, i cried. hahaha, yes. I've watched it before, watched it again and yeahh. U know whut, I was imagining Hilary duff was me and u-know-who is him. HAHAHAHAHA. k, so prasaan. I wanna be cinderella, that bitchh has everything): I know right. But, atleast im dreaming d: HAHAHAHA. k zahidah, shut up. You know whut? Im planning to do something when school re-open. For him, i guess. I dont know if its worth my time. But yeahh, hahaha. Heard from other people he moved on. Thats fast. :/ How about tomorrow? does he remembers? nahh, wadddddddd am i thinking. Guys :/ haishhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, bluek. I've been online since just now. My stomach hurts so badly, when i cough or sneeze. Grr, damn. omg, i need a text buddy so badddddddddddddddd. kbye.

Yeah, you're so one in a million till whut? I cant forget you. Fuck, 2 more days till our second monthsary ): 8th of october? Remember? I do :/ Nahh, U dont. U wont care, woo. K whutever. Great, Im still not over you -'- Okay, so today wait. Last few days slept over aliah's house. Like, since sunday. Wait, or saturday. Since my mum and dad has a dinner thingy, ahaha. k, err. so after that. ive been having flu, like fvck. Idk la, aliah's place always made me this way :X k so mean. anyways, i missssssssssssss iew new sooooo much. Okay, like freaking much. Should i text him? Once the day arrived? I meant, 8th of october. Idk :x Im so scared, everytime i see his name on my phone. giving me the fvcking chills. gahh, im not looking forward to school. some people, cari pasal with me. I dont know, really. just because of one small thing, haish. Yeahyeah, Im such a bad influence k. kbye, ure so perfect. whut am i going to do now -_- lifes a bitch. k, then went out with syafiq an

Shaziq, the apek. (: Second game :P First game :P The point is. I pwned him, ahhahahah! Oh, yesterday went out with shaziq. We went to watch rapunzel(: HAAHA, AND NO. we are not together, If you're wondering. He's like a best friend. The show was okay laaa, somehow. In the movie theatre there was like this boy, who talked so freaking loud. Shaziq and I, bastard we were like, " SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" HAHAHAHAHHA. Oh wait ! Before that we went to watch ELMOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo. I meant, sesame street. So effing cute laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, ): I got a video of it. Later I show you guys okay? :D Cookie monster was like so bigg, and Shaziq was like afraid d: kentall ~ OH! Before that also we ate errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, swensens :-D He belanja. woo. I didnt finish my spaghetti): Aft