Dear diary,

Dear you , wanna know what i've been thinking about lately? yeh. asking you what happen to us? I mean, you said we could be friends. yeahhh.. i know, only friends but nothing more. I was so clear to that, but It seems like we're not even 'friends' as you speak. I wanna talk things out, but i know you wouldnt want to talk about the past anymore. So, forget it. Yknow what? Im glad, really really glad. That I rarely see you in school nowadays :) To be truthful, I prayed to god, asking him to give me a sign if you had move on, by making you not appear in my face. Well, I guess its coming truee. So maybe, you probably did? But, what happen to.. I'll never let you go - promise? Now I understand that making promises are human nature, all we got to do is not take them seriously. I miss you, I do. No wait, I dont. After seeing your smile, sparks fly. So irresistable, thanks for the memories anyways. Bitter fucking sweet memories. lets give others a chance to have you eh? ba...

Now, do you ? do you ever feel like you wanna start a conversation with me, just. to start all over..? nahhhhhhhh, who am i kidding right? you missing me, must be a heck of a joke. lool. know whats ironic than ever? everytime I kinda-pretty-much-thought about you, you're right fucking there. Even if youre not. Something that has to do with 'us' will appear. Fuck'd up isnt it? Now tell me' how the fuck do i wanna fully move on? emphasize on the word fully. cause Im making a move now baby, half way gone and still trying to move on. fuckyeah. Wednesday, 27 April 2011 heyhey, woke up. Wait, I woke up at 5, then I slept again. I broke my clock into two pieces. LOL. I was pissed, too noisy. hahahaa. retarded. Then I do my hair, like fuck sioll. Irritating fringe, go and grow la -.- idiot. okay so, err. yeah blahblahblah, we had maths during pal lesson. Yknow whaaaaaaaaaaaat? Ifaaf and I kena scolded ._. Cause we both talk alot. Soo after her nagging we caught one mis...

come on, just fall in love with a bitch alr! ): all my friends are in love, hahahaa. Feel so left out, but I dont wanna be in love at the same time. I dont want that feeling back somehow. ahhahaa. Im weird man. Weird. Its like everytime. Everytime I see a friend, close to the guy. I mean like, reminds me of us. Like how we used to, its just sad that everything we had was gone. like, literally. Dear you , yknow what? Im finally giving up on you, For the whole day of today. I didnt lay my eyes on you for one second, eventhough I really wanted to. But I didnt, so yeah. I passed! This few days, wait. no not only this pass few days, almost a few months has passed and, everything reminds me of you. Your name even appears at the freaking advertisement board la deyh. And the number 8 is like everywhere. Frustrating. Maybe, Its just a test. To see if im patient enough, 7months and nothing happened. I mean, time flew so fast. But memories still rush through my mind, like always. Ever happen to...

Sad, really sad. I dont know what to do, when really. I wanna do something about it. I told myself, If im really his 'bestf' He would have talked to me, or maybe work things out. URGH zahidah, dont get tempted. Its not worth it, soon. Just one day, He would need me back in his life, and thats when I finally those words that he would longed to hear. I dont know, Im not jealous though when I see him with her, But sometimes I would pity her. What if.. the same thing would have happened to her? yeh, totally regret meeting you. shuddup, i know thanks to that hobby of yours it makes u popular. shit no, look at u. douche. fucking douchebag. go. and die. :/ Dear you , after munching on those cookies. It sure got my lips smiling. You know the promise we make? You working hard, trying to get to the express stream and me no longer loving you. oh come on' Atleast Im trying to move my freaking butt but, look at you. urgh fuck, what the hell am i doing. Whatever, Im trying. But the one g...

fuck those guys who knows how to hide their feelings. fuckyeh. omggggggg, I hate the way how things change. I wanna ask you guys something. Once you have an hobby, for example.. hmm. Longboarding. Idk, Isit possible to change all of a sudden? I mean, bestfriend. Eversince you've been into 'longboarding' things change alot, I know. I just have to accept it. yeh, longboarding. For 'cool' people. Nahh, not only that. After you're with him, Idk. You've been influenced :/ arrrrrgh. wait, why do I care? I dont. I wont, and fucking never will. Why would i care, when you dont? I dont know, I always wanted to make things like how it was before but nope so not gonna happen. Douche, I think too much about 'us' being as close as ever when it wont fucking happen. oh and dear you , dont you hate the fact that everytime whenever we just so happen to turn around. We would accidentally happen to look into each other? I would act as if I rolled my eyes though, But i w...

Dear you , Sorry. I know its annoying whenever I want you by my side every single day, or maybe every single time. For example, After school or even before school. Bugging you to hang out with me, Really sorry. Sorry for being such an attention seeker, when the only attention i wanted was from you. Sorry, I cant achieve your standards of being 'the one '. kind, caring, sincere, understanding. ouch, cant help it. Thanks to 'us', My point of view in r/s aint working. I swear, im different this time. I dont text any guys at all, I guess. Not like last time, yeah everythings different. But an apology, doesnt take you anywhere in life. I guess. haahahaa. kwhatever. Dear ex-bestfriend , I know you've been reading those other posts. And yeah, I do miss you. And the funn shit we did together, But looks like it will never work out between us eh? Eventhough i want to so badly but things just dont stay the same. I still remember the 'matrix' and your 'battery...

urghh. Move on already you dick. you bloody dick. Move on. Love someone else, Be in love or something like that. Get a girlfriend or something, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I know, i would get hurt or shit like that but, you've kept me waiting for so long. It fucking hurts. Thinking i would have the chance to be with you again, when i dont. idontknow. Just. Be in love with someone else atleast try. Eventhough i cant bare to see him with someone else. I wanna try. Try my hardest to stop talking about him, stop thinking about him & really just. stop looking at him, best of all. Just fucking disappear. Everyone has always been talking about you, For once. I just wanna stop hearing his name. But I know i cant resist it either. fuckyou, zahidah. fuckyou. Thursday, 14 April 2011. So like yeah, woke up. Reached Bedok, Took the bus. Amirah and Potato was there, ahhahaa. They took 222A. lool, they didnt see the A. hahahaha. Funny, though. And there was Alonzo, I smiled. He gave me that look. The ...

ex-bestfriend, yeah. you got influenced. fuckyou. I want that nice you back. the oh-so-funn to be with, the one idiot. That could make my day a-okay with just alittle of your stupidity. You're not the only one who changed, you realised that but.. ohhwell, He changed too. In so many ways, If only you guys knew how much i fucking miss you people. Sharing laughters all day longg, Joking at the MRT platform. Giving hugs, Receiving them too. But no. EVERYTHING changed. like, within a snap. ex-bestfriend changed into a motherf-ego maniac jerk. He changed to some ahbeng-gangsta-wannabe. Both of them drifted, and nothing stayed the same. That 3 second look, when our eyes 'accidentally' meet. Wednesday, 13 April 2011. So we had PAL, and i reached school at about seven fifty plus. Heee, so like yeh reached school. Met amarpal so he can give me, his calculator. wee! :) blahblahblah. Recess, eateateat. IH, talktalktalktalk. Maths was kinda embarassing for me. so like, yeh. me : *daydr...

I've made a promise to myself, I'll only move on when he's with someone else. So atleast i know, He doesnt love me anymore. wait, he doesnt. ohhwell. dear, ex-bestf. seriously, whats your problem? I've like forgot our problem and you wanna make a BIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG fuss about it. cause of my physical appearance? whoaa. Im not perfect neither are you, so please STFU and GTFO cause IDGAF. okay, i mean. go around spreading crap and shitz, but really who are you to judge? and no, i dont care about our "friendship" anymore. Like i said, Just nudge me back whenever you wanna come into my life. You dont need to make a big fuss about it, pleaseeeee. I know you miss me. xoxo, zahidah. Tuesday, 12 April 2011. So like today, I took the same bus as mahathir, talked to him and disturbed him. I know im cool, hehehehe. Tuesday's timetable changed to fridays. So first period was art, slackkkkkkk! :) Then bell rang, shitoz. He's class outside. ykn...

HEH. ^^ one day we will okay? then my surname will be Mrs. -insertsname- then we will have chinese looking babies. LOL. okay whatever. Dream on zahidah. again. On the 8th of april, is my 6th monthsary with my imaginary dickhead boyfrienddd . hehehe, xoxo. Friday, 8 April 2011. cross country today, but i didnt run though. :) yaay. hahaha, woke up. met up with amirah, hugged* walked around with jia hwee. walao. He was there, and thenn. same row somemore. ohhfcuk. whats his problem?! so this day, im gonna be mr.gabriel's wee dog. LOL. Follow him wherever i go, im sick and i cant run so i helped out with the sec ones. blahblahblah, walked all the way behind so bloody coolz. okay, i walked then all the teachers were like asking. And the sec ones too, hahaa. sho cute. after all that shit, i saw joshuah! I was stuck with him the whole day, cause ifaaf was concentrating. Amirah was in Atlast, zakiyah cheerleader. and im, forever alone . Mr ryan neo played soccer, our DM. hahahhaa, failed. ...

after this whole freaking 5 months of depression, i finally realise i was the one who let him go. urgh, and then regretted it. after reading the other post that i send a few months ago, it looks like i held on for so long and im still not over him. whoa, thian wenwei . really, i have no idea why you are that special to me. anyways, well done! you're the first guy that i kinda wait for sooo long. lcmh not counted, cause he wasnt even attached with me. urghh, i wonder why im so patient just to wait for you wenwei. I've been telling myself to let it go and just fucking move on, i cant. I dont get what feelings i have for you either, I thought i was finally over you and shits like that, but i cant okay. seriously, i dont know who i longed for now. All this while, who am i really waiting for? its like, im holding on at the same time letting go. Wouldnt it be nice, if we were to really talk and have a conversation like last time? without being awkward about it. urgh, dream on zahidah...