Dear diary,

woooooooooootz, Bitches. Today? Right now on the 30th September, Im fucking 11months single. One more month till to a year bby! ehhee. But its kinda useless being single for 11months wishing he'd come back without doing anything. I cant believe its been this long, I've been holding on. Thian Wen Wei, please make it worth it. But I can finally say, Shaziq. He's out. Gone out. Out of my life for good, eventhough sometimes flashback happens. But whatever. Im not expecting anything from you on the 8th of october, I understand you got to study and I guess you dont love me either. Well not anymore. Your birthday is coming soon, Should I wish? Or not? hmm. k. Friday, 30th September 2011 No wonder today, things didnt turned out the way i planned, I forgot about the date. badluck uhh. Today? It was fine, nothing wow or exciting but a-okay for me. Yesterday? Shaziq appeared right infront of my face, I guess he got a heart attack or something once Jiahwee said Hi to him, He didnt seem...

Jiahwee! Yknow what? I should have talked to him, when we walked pass him. & Say something, arghhhh~ Or maybe chase him back then kiss him on the lips eh? :P I bet then he'll realise. cheh Wednesday, 28 September 2011 HiHi! Early in the morning, I got the most uhm weirdest dream ever, Its been about you lately. And suddenly I was thinking about syazwani, she appeared? Like so cool. haha, Bought Old chang kee and reached bedok and I saw Salman. He was the first person I saw early in the morning. I came early, and studied. But I bet Im still going to fail my PAL test. He came strolling in at 8, took out his pencil box and started to study. His view was super directly in my face, I was trying to look at him but nothing blocked. God damnit. I caught him looking straight, but I dont know who was he staring at. Bell ring, they head off first. After PAL was Circle time, & Then recess. I swear I love recess! Me and Ifaaf bought makan, and then I saw him walking in, He was almost wa...

I think theres a purpose behind me and Jiahwee being close to each other. Maybe only god knows whats ahead of us eh? Tuesday, 27 September 2011 HiHiHi! Today? well, it started out well in school. Woke up early, dad sent me. I reached school and sat with the 203 guys. I was sitting opposite Izak and then Weixiang came to sit beside me. We was superb close to me lahh, like step couple like that. Cheh. And then he left, but instead he came. I mean why cant Weixiang leave later? hehe. Bell rang, he was walking diagonally. I was walking across, so yeah. Across and Diagonally together, Amirah turned and was like "eh hi" and she laughed to herself cause he was still angry with her. Blahblahblah, Skip everything. All damn boring, till Assembly came. Meiying and Meiting walked passed, Then Dhashwiniy also. We disturb her with a dude, lol. Then Kee and Nadya was calling me, when I was talking to her. When I saw him doing a flying kick? Like so cool sia! Lerwei looked inside. hehe. Ke...

If uh, if. He ever say that to me, Amin. Ohoh! I was listening to Adele - Someone like you & then I had flashbacks. I remembered crying outside the school bus stop, when my friends left me for their boyfriends or something like that. I was tearing, alone and waiting for the bus at that point of time. I wanted to be alone, so I asked my friends to leave first and stuff, The bus arrived and people left. I was still at the bus stop though, and then he walked to the bus stop after playing soccer. He saw me tearing and ask why. I just shook my head, 'nothing' I said. He sat beside me & then, he used his hands and wiped away those tears of mine. and one more! I remember walking back from trop, and it was raining, so you and I walked to the school bus stop together and I owed you a hug. I remembered. It was a surprise hug in the end, near the school gate at the bus stop. You were too shock that you barely move, and then we had our awkward moments when we just kept quiet. till ...

ahhhh, so fast~ october is coming! Exams are coming! 8th october is coming. 3oth october is coming! damndamndamn, It'd be our one year if we were still be together. haish, sadly we didnt make it. Hmm, I just hope something would happen eh? btw omgomgomgmg, I forgot to continue about yesterday. So yeah from the canteen part, Me and Ifaaf went to Potato yknow near the achieve got the table and the birds in cages. Yeah that. Then I want to see, If wenwei was there so I was trying to hide near the pillar. omg! reminds me of baby's bro. hehee, so cute. Ya la, I was like that. Very cute :P then right, I want to look, He's like looking at this direction already but I dont know if he sees me or not. I thought he did, so I paiseyh I run towards Ifaaf. Then Ifaaf say, 'Eh comecome! we see mahdi" then Im like, "okay can ah~" then yknow, Meiying's science class there? We walked there, then like looklook for people like that. So obvious. HAHAHA, then shes like ...

See, now forever alone. I would want kiss you like that again can? Damn shiok. hehe. Your lips, super smooth, I swear it tasted like heaven. Uhm, The people who are not close to me taught I've moved on. Well isnt it swell? I hope he think i've moved on too. Wednesday, 21 September 2011 HiHi! woke up early, then I kena ditched by Jiahwee last minute cannot, go Mac then I saw Salman, wait! Correction! While I was walking there I saw salman. I think he called my name, I act act like never see. I had my breakfast with Frans, cause since he was alone and I was too might as well I join him right? So yeah, then I head to school met up with Jia Jia Jia Jia hwee~ Then I sat down canteen, Thian wenwei copying homework. I laughlaugh smile smile to Jiahwee, then I dont know he suddenly went to sit beside Junmin. That idiot meiying never come, I damn sad. Went to assembly at uhm ahh, ya PAL venue. Shit I lost him, okay nevermind. Skip everything~ Recess. He came out late, and just freaking ...

Just be nice, eventhough shit has been going through my life. I have to be nice, be kind. But Im not gonna let people step on my head, well thats for sure. I hate the 213 girls, the fucking malay girls. Eventhough we are so called 'okay', they're still shit. All fucking hypocrite, wah all infront of me step nice like fuck then behind talk shit, Im not dumb. K despite, the fact we do too, but theirs is alittle too much. Seriously? Early in the morning, Suriani flirt with him right infront of my face when she saw me, fucking purposely. Like laughlaugh then giggle, failed bodoh. Im not falling for this jealousy trap, & i thought you were nice. Oh and yknow what? Aishah fucking stared at me and she said, I did. And fuck, I just looked at her and then I looked away & bloody hell. She thought I called her "fuck". I was singing, stupid bitch. Bloody assuming shit. Then Yanney had to call me just to settle that shit. So now, tell me. Is it worth being nice to bitc...

Dont be surprise if i eventually do, cause I've been waiting for so long. Dont I deserve a chance? But instead you broke my heart, and Its not worth being with you if you were to still accept me. fuck this shit, I dont love you but I do . what am I feeling? you're such a bloody flirt. Flirt with suriani, afiqah and the freaking other malay girls. Fcukyeah, I get the fact that you're all 'goodlooking' now, but whatever. I cant believe you fucking think shes the innocent one, I told you the truth nothing but the truth, she twisted my words and made it look as if Im the bad guy. I know you lost trust in me, but I'll never lie to you. I want you to trust, trust me again . I want my, Happy ever after please? Monday, 19 September 2011 Hellojello! Early in the morning, nothing much. Woke up, and dad sent. As usual. Dragged myself to school, managed to take the double decker bus. Wanted to head of the bus crowded, while I was inside looking at the outside people, some...

Could it be? that whenever i'm looking, you are staring? ohgod. why do I care. Friday, 16 September 2011 Wah! I swear, today I didnt feel like going to school. My eyes kept on dozing off. Headed to school in the end, and took the triple 2 bus. Sat down, and opposite me was Elham. He & I was like smiling smiling, He made me laughed. lol, oh ya! I saw Lucas Chia Man Hon. My baby' hehe. In the train, but sadly he did not noticed me. Haish. So yeah, Reached school. Walked together with Adenan, and then sat with Amirah. I dont know what was wrong with me early in the morning, like siao zhar bo like that. Talked to Meiying then she was pointing to me whose the handsome dude, he okay lah. Then I remembered Wenwei telling me that people say he looked like terry? The ahbeng kia but kind of good looking. NooooooOoooOoo, haiya. If he ever were to be like that then, uhm. whatever, So yeah. blahblahblah, Damnit why the assembly not at the class, cause I was thinking then my class and hi...

oooo, this is so true. I dont understand myself sometimes, Its like I dont know what to do with my life, Shaziq was alone. And yes, It hurts me. Damnit, Sabrina ditched him for putra, looks like he got his karma. What goes around comes around bby' And it looks like he really needs someone to be there, but well.. no one? when I want to step in, his like pushing me out. urgh, gotta stop trying. Temptations. Thursday, 15 September 2011 HiHiHiHi! Today, woke up and then went to school. Daddy sent me. So yeah, reached school, got in and the first person I saw today was... Thian Junjun! lol. So yeah, I walked pass him, I kept staring at him, and then when I turned to look at the table. Apparently, the little brother came too. Seems early eh? Walked into the canteen, didnt see Mei ying anywhere, So I headed with Izak. I turned my head, Just in time bby' he too turned. While a glance though cause I just came, together with Salman. Well for that dude, Im not surprised. Sat beside Izak, ...

Im so frustrated with everything. My friends, School, Studies, Love shit. Whatever for once, Just for once. I just someone to be there for me, someone who really actually cares. I mean, My friends are all busy with their own lifes. I dont wanna disturb anyone, but whenever I tell them stuff. I mean they listen for the sake of listening. I'd prefer bottling up all my problems or whatever Im feeling and just stay like that, smiling like I dont have feelings. But whenever, I try. Its either they would have no response to it, or all they do is like "K zahidah K" even amirah sometimes, I mean I totally understand she wants me to forget but its easy for her to say when she has someone else on her mind. The reason why i still keep pictures because I miss that feeling , of being cared of. If i were to talk it out with my uhm, yeah friends. They would just pretend to 'care' I guess. Wednesday, 14 September 2011 Uhm, today was kinda of a bad day in the end. But whatever. I ...

Exhibit 1 : Exhibit 2 : Exhibit 3 : I wrote everything the status first and well bestfriend, It was kinda obvious. You used to be hinting on me. hehehe. I likey, but too bad I accidentally deleted you off facebook. I mean block. Im sorry ): damnit.

Can that 'someone' be you? pleasepleaseplease. yknow yesterday I found something on my blog. And yeah, it was bestfriends text. Haish, goodtimes. I wonder if he remembered what he said to me. Probably not, he doesnt even cares. He's too busy getting his 'freedom'. whatever. Tuesday, September 13 2011 HiHi! Since yesterday was sort of the first day of school when school reopen. Nothing much happened actually. Shaziq saw me being with sean, whoa. He stared. Jealous much? hehe. Anyways, lets talk about today! Woke up as pernormal, So yeah waited for sean's grandfather to fetch me. Wahh, yknow what? He fetch us, The car like so bigg. So yeah, reached school and shit. Sat with amirah and crap, Then shaziq sat with us cause of this ridha ah. I mean Jarett, cause I dont know the whole clique was there before that. Well, I was facing amirah, so I didnt see Shaziq. Amirah was lke laughing and shaziq all the way because of his little hair, and played nerf gun. Sadly it wa...

uh bestfriend? I hope, you are. Really. I dont get myself, I keep claiming I still like him , when I dont. yknow what? I just went in and saw the convo between him and that girl. Looks like its been awhile since they last texted, andandand after I read their conversation. I dont feel jealous anymore? Does this really means I've moved on? && akmal told me likelikelike me yesterday, damnit. Somehow, Im afraid to be in love again. Im afraid to get myself hooked up in a relationship. So probably, I guess all that 'love' shit towards him was actually puppylove? I wont be surprised if school were to reopen, and If I were to see his face again, I'd fall for him all over again. Crap, damnit. ohmygod, I dont know what i'm feelin' & at this point of shitty time. That feeling for Mr.Tww comes back, Its super random. I could literally feel my heart breaking, but seriously. It came back all of a sudden. Damnit, I feel like crying. Those feelings, shit just go ...