Dear diary,

Happy 7monthsary to me! Well, being single. The day you dumped me, whoops. anyways, Yeah I swear, I thought i did. Really, Till I saw him online. And I have NO IDEA WHY MY HEART SKIPS A BEAT. shit zahidah, shit you. So much for moving on, SO much. Maybe I did, whenever I dont see him. But when I do, It comes back. He's going off to Beijing ): Like, Soon. I think, hahaha. Thats where I was off too last year, awww. I am so not enjoying my holidays, WHY? well, im not spending it with you bby. CHEH, step baby only. hahahahha. I've been dreaming too much lately, about you and I getting back together. Babe, NOT happening. I cant wait to graduate, I mean after that one year, I wont be seeing you. By the time, you and I will have someone new :) Like what WenJun say's. Secondary school lovelife sucks, big time. fuckyeh. Count down till my birthday! :) 7moredays.

dont you feel it? that feeling , when we both looked at each other even just for a few seconds. who am i kidding right? Cant believe I even fantasize about it. omg, atlast. yaay, finally. I can blog, sorry about that. Blogger, got some issues with me. Kanina. hahahaa, this past few days? I've not been blogging. Well, are all such toooooootz. Okay, whatever. Whenever I thought my life, is fucking perfect. Something, Just SOMETHING has to fuck'd it up. Whatthebitch. Apparently, Im no longer crushing on anyone anymore. I push people away, I guess. Its either that or, Im just not good enough for them. My life? Idontknow, I've been sad. disspointed, and I dont know. I guess its only pms. I miss texting fb, bestfriend and him. fuckmylife. ohgod. Like i said, people just come and go. one thing i realise about me? whenever someone new starts to come in, Its either i slowly push them away or, they left. Especially the guys i like, shit you 08. for not allowing me to move on, bitch

-inserthearts- Pucking cute to the max. I miss them so fucking much, If only they knew. How much they actually mean to me. I was going through my picture files, and I found this. I had totally forgot about it, till I look back. and yeah, the most stupidest day. ohgod. fucking tears. hahhaa, I love them okay? so so much, aah. fuck pms. okay bye.

Now they say im wasting my time, cause you'll never comin' back. but they used to say the world was flat but how wrong was that now? So basically, Anything can happen, Well its whether or not you wanna wait for it. Something about us is still left hanging, But when will it continue? Fuck you lah zahidah, You're over it. Well, whatever it is. Apart of you, will always remain in me even if, I may deny, that Im really really over you . But I guess no matter what. That feelin' will still be the same. If only, you could understand. I was young and immature. wait, still am. But I finally realise, never and not to take advantage of love. I'll treasure it this time, for someone worth being with :) Wednesday, May 25 2011 Came to school, blahblahblah. School is really boring without you, not being here. Really, I swear. Apparently Meiying didnt come too, wah. You guys dating or what. Kidding. hehehe, Oh I came to school sat with Benjamin Obaje. Sneezed and shit, lool. omg

likelike, Just now. omggg, Hall. During assembly, I turned and then it lasted for 30seconds. hahaha, then you turned away. Then same thing happen again, wooo. Smiled like some retarded idiot. okay, dah quiet. youre over it. Cant believe, when people bring up the topic about you and them, I tend to like. Kinda avoid it. Maybe thats how he feel, whenever people talk about me. hmm. Lately, people tend to leave me hanging suddenly, I mean. without warning, and they dont talk to me anymore. Ouch, People leave. ahh. Its like one by one. yknow what? I tried looking at your facebook page and, It wont appear, looks like my lappy knows Im not suppose to :) fuck laa, malay practise paper the date. 8 october 2010? wth. bestfriend, when will you ever come back? & put your ego aside? I'll put mine when you put yours. Tuesday, May 24 2011 hahaha, Hi! Woke up, late again. why? tired. Daddy sent me to school, and yeah. I sat with thila, He came suddenly. Nowadays he always come like, seven plu

well, thats what most people would say, but idk. Just after art, I walked out of the room. The first person i saw? yeah, you. I think you looked up, and yeah you saw me too. wee. I think so uh. okay whatever zahidah. You know youre halfway gone, eventhough you still fucking look at him. URGH, zahidah stop it laaaaa. Nothing will happen k. can. fucking signs. wait, doesnt happen anymore :) I dont get myself, I still call bestf, 'bestfr' when he isnt anymore. Pretty much used to it. Amirah was like, " what if he comes back? " I didnt know how to answer to that, so i was like " No.. " I miss who he was used to be, not now. hah. Monday, 23 May 2011 Woke up, fucking scar on my face. Hurts, so like yeah. blahblahblah, Daddy sent to school, and erm. yeah, sat at the canteen, I have no idea why i was waiting for you. you came late, and yeah. The only reason why, I wanted to go to school was to see your face. wtfff, great. Mother tongue, I was walking, And I was tryi

Tried texting him yesterday, I finally got the guts to. But my heart still skipped a beat, I meant. You know, the feeling after sending a dangerous text. Sadly, He didnt reply. But he did though, online. He sounded angry, and like lazy to talk to me type. ohhgod. hahaha. I talked to bestf too, what a weird conversation. urgh, He's making me confuse. You should not make a girl confuse with the messages youre trying to send her, urghh. Friday, May 20 2011 Hihello! woke up, and i got high, My dad uh. Coffee somemore -.- so like yeah, I laid down on ben's shoulder and he walked passed. And he looked, Ben was like," tryin' make him jealous huh?" I didnt say anything. Bestfriend was there, super awkward like shit. Assembly, Same thing happened -.- Same row, well not really. Adnan was disturbing me. I turned, and kinda-look at him :x I think he saw that, when eye meets eye. LOL. kwhatever. Lets skip to the last part, FNN. Zakiyah and me discovered something amazing, woww

Dear bestfriend, I miss you so much. I miss our times together, fuck. & I often think about it. Yeh, I may regret it. But do you? I hate that awkward moment, when I look at you and all those memories of us starts to pour in. Remembering those times how you would often care about me. alot. I miss talking to you everyday, without fail. Spilling our emotions, sometimes our problems. & Now, Its like we dont know each other anymore and it hurts even though we werent anything. We've grown apart and it went by so quickly. I love you bestfriend. No matter how many guy 'bestfriends' i have after you. No one , can ever replace you. That, I promise you. Dear you, I think im finally over it. Thanks for the memories. xoxo. Thursday, May 19 2011 Woke up, kinda late. Ooops, Daddy's fault, didnt wake me up. Reached school, Reached canteen. He was there. At first he was facing my side. Till I came and he turned to another, weirdd. Whatever, Dont give a shit. So Assembly, every

Remember? Library, My shoe came off andand yeah. You wear it for me, and then you tie my shoelaces. ohmyg. Freaking stupid laa. Ifaaf uh, I think. She took out my shoe, then dont know what happen. Then you helped me take. okay whatever, past. whoops. hahahaa. ohgod, she's getting annoying. Im like fucking serious, EVERYTHING. wait no. Somethings, I mean wait no. BEGINNING to follow EVERYTHING i do. Like, Exact copy. But fucking failed. urghhhhhhhhhhh. Since when she do this face '._.' andand, ALL HER.. yknow phrase. She copies me, so annoying laaaaaa. argh, later she cry la that la this la. Shit this. And plus, its annoying how she asks me to stay put when i ALREADY move on, kanina. -.- okay bye. Monday, 16 May 2011 yaaaay, woke up early today. blahblahblah, shit. Im suppose to wake up my wife, yknow. JiaHwee lah. ._. Sorry! ): And errr, Ya. So we reached Nadya's place. We went to ECP and like played bicycle. ahhahaha, I can fucking play. About a few hours later, yknow

Erm, well yeah. Sometimes I do. Well sometimes. Whenever I see you around, I wanna go up to you, poke you and say," Hey. I miss you." Hahaha, weird. I know, But I dont have the guts to. I wouldnt know how to react anyways. & I wouldnt wanna see how you would. So whatever. Blogging about friday, :) Friday, May 13 2011 Woke up at erm, 545 as always. Daddy made food, sent me to Mrt. With my oh-so-dull face, cause, I dont know. I was moody. Till I got in, and Im like O.O EEEEEEEEKS! LucasChiaManHon. -inserts hearts- He's infront of me, Ohyeah. He's my crush since primary school, still crushing. He looked at me, Smiled and waved. My heart was like, beating damn fast please. And I did the same and waved back. I acted all cool. When I actually took his picture, LOL. Heyy, Its a freaking good start to my day. & I was all smiles. After getting out of the train, I was still smiling surprisingly. Patrick sat beside me in the bus, loool. I reached school, Sat with Meiyin

& By ' K ' cuzzie, I meant fuck you. Get your own friends. You knew what happened, and you wanna get close to him. fuck u. urgh. annoying. I'll stop, stop everything. okay? Thursday, May 12 2011 Today? well, basically had Maths exam. Early in the morning, Sat with Meiying, i have no idea why her table was so close to his. Whatever, He came after that. He asked Thila about maths crap, I went over to ask Ifaaf something too, cause she was there. It was awkward. That moment when your friends, can talk to him. When you freaking cant. Ouch, I dont give a shit anyways. I was like talking there with them, And yeah. I had to use the pencil, cause I cant get the freaking diagram on my head. hahahaa, & so. I accidentally took his pencil, when the bell rang. I asked ifaaf, Whose? then she said, Oh. His. Im like shit, Then I kept it and drew. It was a small, Hello. And a heart, and a smiley. ahahhahaha, no i was bored. Miss teh came, and dm came? omg, first time i saw her smil

I think too much and then put myself in a bad mood. yknow what I hate? Everytime I mention someones name. They will tend to appear, wtf? & I cant believe aliah said, Bestf is nice. the fuck? well fucking used to. urgh, I fucking know right. I should just accept the fact that he's over me, He built a fucking bridge and got over it. And I would and should not think further. Well, atleast. Im still trying to move, Well. Its not like I've stopped or anything. But yeah, I've moved on. Not fully, not.. half. But I dont know, maybe a quater. Wait, yeah. Maybe, Wait. Im confident. Truthfully, Im just leaving it all to fate. Im not gonna do anything about it. If it happens, let it be. For starters, I dont secretly look at him anymore, seriously. Hahahaha, yaaay! Slowly. And my heart doesnt skip a beat, when I see him. Though I panic alittle. Well abit. I dont make it THAT obvious that im pretty-much-in-love with him. yaaay! Progress. woo. Whatever, sooner or later. Im gonna g

Remember the first hug, the one i promised you i would give. Outside the school bus stop? It was raining, you waiting for your mum to fetch you. I open my arms wide and hugged you, Sadly. You didnt hug me back, you were literally shocked. You should have seen the look on your face. soo cute, hahahaa. Your hug was so warm, I love it. I wanna hug you from behind one day, well. That would be a surprise for you then, U tried doing it to me. But failed. Remember, How every morning we would pretend to go through 'walls'? hahahhaa, so retarded. Pretending we are super hero's. Then we would bang the wall together, you hugged me from the side. good times.. hahahahaha, what a good laugh. I wonder who have you been thinking about lately, '......' thats what you replied. Sorry I made you change your mind, to change to another school. Dont do the disappearing, there are girls in our school who would want a guy like you. not a girl like me, Its okay. One day, I'll disappear.

Freak! I need school, I cant believe how emo shit i was last time, with all those post which sounded so freaking desperate. Well, Now not so right? xD hahahaa. I mean seriously, I read back. whoa, Its been 6months, this blog has been filled with my thoughts of you . 2 more days, till the 8th of may. hahaha, If we were still together it would have been our 7monthsary. Right now, all I wanna think about is working hard for the future. Love life? well, If its meant to be. Then He'll come back on day. & If isnt then, he ain't for me. From today onwards, I wont bother you anymore. I should stop feeling tempted to talk to you. I wont walk around you, not like I purposely would but it does happen. Well, In conclusion. I should reallyreally ignore you, stop looking at you. urgh, I must and will try. eventhough, I know its impossible.

Well, this has not happened to me yet. He told me, he aint interested in girls this time. Gotta work hard. hahaha. But, whatever it is. I want 'us' to be friends, Like ordinary friends. I guess my wish came true, He freaking talked to me. ohyeah, fuckyeah~ hahahaha. Wellllllllllllllllllllll, only because I made zee' most chaotic and most, erm. thing ever, ahaahaha. Well lets skip to what I did okay? :) It was really stupid. But Now, we're cool. Friends. Isnt it Ironic how we're friends but, We dont talk at all? hahahahhaa, thats when i get tempted. Dear bitch , If you want him. Get him. You dont need to hate me cause of it, or purposely flirt infront of me by screaming his name. Its not gonna make me jealous, If u think it would cause I dont care anymore, He's from my past. Im serious, Its just annoying. Get a life. And Obviously, You're just using them. Sad.. Loner. Bitch. xoxo, me :) Dear you , After talking to you. I totally had confidence in my studies,

We'll be back together one day right? hahaha, jokinnnnnnng. Love changed me, alot. Im not like this before, I used to be the all 'flirty' and all so 'fun' to be with around guys. I guess, after being with you changed me alot. Im no longer the "attention-seeker" well, not that much. I dont take love for granted anymore, And Now. I decided to choose wisely, upon any of my decisions over guys. Im picky now, not only that. Cause the only guy. I've always wanted was you . Many of those other guys tried so hard to win my heart, But all of them failed. Wanna know why? Cause you took it. I'd talk to you one day, settle all this crap. Cause you said, we would be friends. But whats this? nope, its like. In the middle of being an acquaintance, strangers and friends. I mean, what the heck'. I've always wanted to try to work it out, but you've been giving excuses like. Youre 'busy' or 'you dont wanna talk about it'. urghhhhhhhhhhhhhh