Forever alone.

dont you feel it? that feeling, when we both looked at each other even just for a few seconds. who am i kidding right? Cant believe I even fantasize about it.

omg, atlast. yaay, finally. I can blog, sorry about that. Blogger, got some issues with me. Kanina. hahahaa, this past few days? I've not been blogging. Well, are all such toooooootz. Okay, whatever. Whenever I thought my life, is fucking perfect. Something, Just SOMETHING has to fuck'd it up. Whatthebitch. Apparently, Im no longer crushing on anyone anymore. I push people away, I guess. Its either that or, Im just not good enough for them. My life? Idontknow, I've been sad. disspointed, and I dont know. I guess its only pms. I miss texting fb, bestfriend and him. fuckmylife. ohgod. Like i said, people just come and go.

one thing i realise about me? whenever someone new starts to come in, Its either i slowly push them away or, they left. Especially the guys i like, shit you 08. for not allowing me to move on, bitch.

Thursday, May 26 2011

Short post uh, cause I kinda like what happened today. Hii! I woke up. andblahblahblah. Assembly, well yeah hall.I sat, same row as me crush. and Salman -.- LOL. He was like disturbing me, with him and him him. If you get what i mean, blahblahblah. ahh, He smiled again. ohgod. Oh how much, it attracted me. During recess, I was walking down to buy my food. So I had my phone in my hand, I didnt know he was coming towards me. I was just about to text him, and then. He put out his leg, I looked at him. I thought he wanted to trip me ): Smiled, as he was smiling towards me. And yeah, Ifaaf behind was like, " EHEM" I blushed. shh :x I went back to my sit, got a text from him saying that. He didnt wanted to trip me, only wanted to grab my attention. I was laughing and smiling to myself, looking at that text. sweeets. During those past two days, he didnt came. I've moved on.

Friday, May 27 2011

Last day of school! Moved on? For sure? really? HA HA, NO. okay, I'll tell you what happen. woke up early in the morning, went to school with darren. I have no idea why, After i reached the canteen. I was feeling down, like really. Amirah came, Sat down. Hugged, and then we started talking about 'bestfriends' and tears started falling. I listen to her music to, shit. I think it was giving the freaking effect. So, I was facing her at first, in the canteen. Listen, and pretty much tearing. I was sitting with the sec fives, Benjamin was wondering what happened. And yeah, I didnt really told him though. He tried cheering me up, but failed. lOl. great effort though. About fifteen minutes later, I have no idea. Something in me asked me to turned and look facing the 'stage' so I turned. fuck, he walked past. looked at me, rolled his eyes and walk off. fucking tears dropped more, bitch. I guess he saw, bestfriend too. I think. I was pretty much hiding from the yeah, stuff. Assembly was like freaking long uh, I went up the hall. and uhm, my 'crush' was there, I didnt smile at him. He was giving me the look, the what-happen kinda look. & yknow whats the best part? Rukshana, asked why i was crying. I was like, " NO, flu la cher " then she starting nagging. better than nothing. Ifaaf and amirah cheered me up, by talking crap and talking about Junpeng. LOL. It was Npcc day. I gave the sad face to my crush, and yeah. He said something, I have no idea what. And then salman looked at me, He was like giving me the look. Its either him or him him. Im like SHH, dont tell. Then he turned and tell him -.- & so I had art the first period, after all that crap. I went down the stairs, while i was walking down, from upstairs i kinda saw him. I guess he looked up and saw me too. I quickly went down trying to avoid him, but failed. I went down turned to my left. his faced was infront of me _|_ bitch. I looked, rolled my eyes, and walk away acting as if i didnt give a crap. After school, It was raining, and I headed back home then went out again to watch a movie with Eisyah. His, ex-primary school friend. I told her what happened about us, She was really a nice girl. really, Well shalyna my goodfriend, changed alot. wow. We watched kungfu panda 2, While i went down from the mrt. Guess who i saw? Bestfriend. I walked down, I was talking to eisyah, and then I heard yknow. The longboarding thing, I turn to see if its some random cute dude. And when i did, it was him. He was looking at me, I was looking at him. In my heart? I was kinda like, "shit" wtf. walked away~

I dont believe in fate anymore. why? after i came back, well from the whole movie thing. I had this status. He liked my comment. Knowing it from a friend of mine, he's happy and was like " FINALLY, SHE CAN GO FOR -inserts name- yaaaaaaaaaaaaay! FREEDOM. XD " yeah, something like that. What a jerk. So what? all this while, If i were to like him. He go doubts? urgh. Hate this feelin' fuck 'love'.

whenever im "halfway gone", something just have to ruin it. SERIOUSLY.

I'd rather be alone.