Dear diary,

That awkward moment when the bitch you hate, has almost the same birthday as you. Hers is 5th June, and Mine is 6th. wtf. and yknow what? before that, I was thinking about Ice-cream and i wanted to post about it a few hours ago after he posted he want ice-cream. weird o.o

Friday, 25 August 2011 I had the most realistic dream in my whole entire life, and I swear it was the nicest dream ever. It wasnt like the full kinda type, but really. It was like a really quick one. It looked so real. Before I was asleep, I guess I thought about him or something. So yeah, It was weird because It started off in a taxi blahblahblah. We both were very sure that, we really got over each other. and then We started to exchange our phones for no reason, well I found his phone something like that. The first thing I checked into his phone was vivian's messages. Apparently, There isnt any of her messages, He grabbed my phone and then he was like playing with it? I kpo, I check his phone and go back to the browser and I saw his phone wallpaper was me o.o I mean, yknow like Jiahwee's phone can slide here and there to change the background? yup. Like that, the first picture was some lame cartoon or something the second one also, then the third one was my picture. I scrol...

and then all i could ever remember was, we're back to being strangers . gah! I hate this feeling. Its like, I dont know actually. Never say never & 500daysofsummer. Their tragedy all begins on the 8 of June/January. See, everything reminds me of you. Or probably bestfriend too. I dont know whats wrong with me sometimes, I know I got my friend's back but everytime I feel down or sad or jealous. I dont know really. Whenever I see them with a guy, always going back to school/home together or going out together. It always reminds me of how it was when I'm with those two idiots. I know, I have no right to feel or to say anything, but it sometimes occur to me. Like why must crap and bullshit happen to me, where's my happy moments? I miss them. Everywhere I go, I see couples. Sheena with Irfan J, Ifaaf and Aron, Amirah and Potato, Zakiyah and Ridzuan, Sabrina and Syabaan, Sabrina and Putra, Fazira and Tarmidzi, Atiqah and Anis. Even some random dude and girl also?! Right i...

Dont be afraid, I swear this time. I wont hurt you again, I wont disappoint you like how I did the last time, I learn my lesson. I wont take you for granted and Im willing to change. Whatever it takes, just to be with you again . zomg, zahidah. what are you saying?! Snap out of it bitch. You're not suppose to feel this way. Wednesday, August 24 2011 So yeah early in the morning, My sister and I took the Cab to Pasir Ris Interchange. My money, damnit she owe me. hahaha, So yeah. Took the Train, I asked her to go first since shes late, and I'll pay. Then I stupid, Shes right infront of me, it took me about 5minutes to realise once she raised her Iphone. ahhaha, I realise it was her handphone cover and I tapped her. And then she was shocked also, loool. So funny. Reached school, The Biometric like wtf. Dont want to take my fingerprint, It seemed super soft. I reach school at like, 8:10? I didnt eat my breakfast. Sadded. So yeah, I had to went to the hall up straight up cause I c...

Im still the same yknow? the girl whom you used to fall in love with. The one with the specs on, the annoying crazy ugly one. Yup, Im still her. I dont get myself how, when I was with my other ex boyfriends, I could easily forget about them within a week or so, For example. Syazwan, eww. Yes we got memories but, and somehow It doesnt affect me after I broke up with them. But when its you, its been 9months and I still care. Eventhough I dont seem to care, the feeling is still there. Im confused with myself. I dont know what I want. Feelings on and off. crap this shit. Tuesday, 23rd August 2011 Early in the morning, I came to school with Akram cause I was late. No wait, the train was late. I took the shuttle bus, I was thinking and hoping shaziq would be there, And douglas was beside me at that point of time. I kept on searching and looking at the back, cause I was standing. And guess what? He was at the veryvery back right behind at the side, I was damn shock lah. Whoa. So yeah, I sat...

Coincidental much? Its like, they are right on top and then the first two? HAHAHAHAHA, facebook. Yknow me so well. I think its because I stalk both of them or something. WEIRDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

How many times uh zahidah? I mean, everytime you try to get things right. It just bloody wont go the same anymore. Im tired of trying, Im tired of being patient. Dont you know how much, this shit hurts me? If only what you saw what I could see, you'll understand why i want you so desperately. Well, Apparently to be my bestfriend again. You're the only person that can make me smile and laugh sincerely, well not only person but only boy who can. I miss having to be by your side. And yknow what? When I sat beside you during recess, I smell that smell of yours. Its superb cute and nice, Its been awhile since I scent it. Really. After recess, I swear during DNT I wanted to cry but I kept it cool. I dont know how long I could take this any longer, I'd probably give up now. Monday, 22nd August 2011 So yeah early in the morning, train-ed to school. And so daily routine, said Hi to Ben and Stuff. The whole group, whenever I come in only. Salman group will stare, crap. So yeah, M...

This is so me, Just one day, He's gonna regret the shit. Whoa, my life. Click and read.

alaaaamak! this cute stuff, kpo my pew pew pew ah! Right Jiahwee? I always do that, awww. he's so adorable. My boyfriend please. One Direction *insert hearts* Friday, 19 August 2011 So yeah, Friday was awesumzx. Okay lah, Woke up and then I blahblahblah, headed to school. Sat down, and crap got shaziq. blahblahblah, PE. like shiok only, I sit one corner makan. ^^ English, uhm I saw jun. HAHAHA, hes dumb as usual, I spoke to Joshuah. yay! Recess, salman was looking at me while I eat, awkward. So yeah, Wenwei walked pass our table, And he bought his drink, I didnt notice so i turn, woots. sama timing siol. cheh, step ah step. Headed to uhm, Cricket Pitch and yeah, Shaziq was there playing Takraw? Superb funny. I tried calling his name, out loud, But he didnt seem to hear me. okay whatever, Literature and then Shine. So yeah, Shine finish already, so when I walked out I saw Shaziq. zomgzomgzomg, He turned and noticed me, weeweet. And then walked down and stuff, until I forgot about ...

Thian wenwei. uhmuhm ahh, Its such a difficult feeling to explain. I mean, I know and I could feel that I dont love him, at all. But whenever, I see him. I get excited and I dont wanna lose the opportunity if I ever could see him. And then my heart starts to beat faster, and then it starts all over again. Is it even love? Thian wenwei, dont you feel it too? Sometimes I wonder why, you'd look away when its just a simple poke, you could have said Hi if you moved on or something. I mean, It couldnt be that awkward right? oh god. Thursday, 18 August 2011 Early in the morning, Didnt fast today! I came, that one. So yeah, Daddy sent me as always, and I took the triple 2 bus. Infront of me was Salman. What the crap, And when he turn he seem like super shock to see me, hmm. And then, reached school. Saw Amirah, and then sat behind meiying, walao! she made me scared sia, With the freaking beatle which has died. And then he came strolling in, Shaziq came in too. Awkward please, after that ...

Exactly ! I wanna be more than friends, well I mean bestfriends. Just like good old times we use to share, But I cant have that anymore. omg, why are you so perangai like crazy? Shaziq Haziq. You're annoying. Officially annoying. People keep on asking me, what do i see in you. You're special. You're sweet, caring, nice, funny.. whoa. Idk. everything. And It disappoints me to know, you're in love with someone else. Wednesday, 17 August 2011 I woke up, shit! Late, 6:50am. Then bathe and all, I went to the other side to catch the train, and then I saw bus 5 coming and I ran. I saw my sister running for the bus too. She was able to catch the bus, But I didnt managed too. Fucking driver, purposely didnt see. Fuck lah. I flagged a taxi and I stopped at Pasir Ris Interchange. Took the train, and In my mind im like. " hmm, confirm I'll get to meet shaziq later, he's always out around this timing " I was still thinking about it all the way, weird. Till I reac...

yes bestfriend, when you smile at me. omg, that cheeky smile. superb cute lah please. Tuesday, 16 August 2011 okay, im officially jealous. wtf shabirah? lurp chiu bro? EH, dont lurp him la siol. he's mine. my bestfriend): okay so, this pass few days was like a huge mess. I gave a letter to bestfriend, and everything got insane. Like literally. I mean, I dont get him. He says to give him time to think, about accepting my apology but im here thinking. If he's too 'occupied' about it, then he should just forgive me and forget about the past, I mean isnt it that simple? & yet he have to give me all type of excuses and besides, he himself asks us to be strangers for good living our life separately. ohmygod. so pathetic. So early in the morning, fucking moodswings like crazy. So i reached school, sat with the 203's and just cried there, well nobody was there though. Except for the boys, so they didnt really care. Apparently, Shaziq came superb early today. and I sa...

Remember when we used to be so close? We both changed, but in way we both didn’t understand. It was drifting, it was new friends.. anything could have been it. We went from talking about everything, to saying good night early, just because we didn’t know what to say. We were dedicated to each other, but it started to fade. We seemed to be so close, to a point where we were inseparable. I hate how if one thing triggers my mind about you, it starts to become filled with our memories. Every single thing we once did, comes back to me like it was yesterday. Simply because I never thought we’d fall apart so quickly. Nothing will be the same between us. Yeah.. Remember all the laughs & smiles we once shared? How when were together, we’d do the silliest things? I miss you. I don’t like thinking about you anymore. I don’t like having to say I once knew you, but don’t anymore. We drifted away to where it hurts to think about everything. It hurts because we used to be so close, & now we’...

I know right, today like it was a naise day for me. But it seems alittle depressing, drama mama. I couldnt be bothered with him now, somehow. His attitude sucks, I hate the way he speaks. He's tone of language. Seriously, what a disgrace to the chinese society. Bloody rude. Its weird, how sometimes my life still has to do with either one of the idiots. Bestfriend and him. They just couldnt get out of my mind, for even a second. What the crap. Friday, 12 August 2011 HiHi! Early in the morning, Woke up went to school. Took 222, Suddenly I saw Salman while I was waiting at Bedok inter, I was with Darren. He was looking at me all the way, then double deck. I sat inside first, and Darren sat beside me. Salman behind, Stare only. Then got off the bus, blahblahblah. Amirah and I had a conversation before that, It was about bestfriend.So it went like this. Me : So yesterday, what you and alif do while waiting for me and Ifaaf wait for bus? Amirah : OHOH! yknow what? Alif damn stupid si...

Actually, I dont care anymore but to think about the past again. yeah, fuck you. hahahahahahahhahaa. Idiot, I mean like. Yes, I've been avoiding you and crap and yaaaaaaaay! I dont give a crap anymore, wooooooo. Even though I still do talk about it. Thursday, 11 August 2011 HiHiHiHiHi! Yaaay, Okay so yeah. I went to school today, surprisingly superb early la. I clashed with Darren? Inside 222, I disturbed ravi and then he went to check my phone. shit! got something, hahahaha. Then walked into canteen, and went towards my darling 203's. Freaking far from the original table, I think I should do that everyday. I mean, I just want him to think Im over him. I dont want to make shit so obvious okay? He'd just hurt me, and then I dont know. Take advantage of me. I dont want that fuck to happen. Assembly, inside hall. Haish, as always. Turn my head, and he's right there. Again. For the first time, I didnt even stared at him, Maybe thats cause Ridha and Akram were both making ...

Thian wenwei, I think it literally killed you. After, Amirah tried to talk things out to you, well she tried knocking some sense into your tiny little daft head. No wonder, Even your own brother is fed up with you, I dont blame him. You're still immature. Acting big, to seek attention? lol, daft. Changed alot. Friday, 5 August 2011 HiHi! Today freaking tired. woo, Early in the morning. Sahur, and then prayed. yaaay! same thing happen again, I prayed to god and I got my wish. :) Shh. Secret. Walked to kembangan with Meiying, wah we run again. Thanks to WenJun. And we thought it was Wenwei, Sweat like Pig. Wah, he came in before that, so we were like really sure its Wenjun. LOL. If wenjun knows, Im dead. So yeah, sweat again like babi. hahaha, I went to talk to Amirah and sat down at the table. I didnt turned my head once, I looked at amirah all the way, we talked about yesterday. Laughed here and there, She & Meiying Cheered me up. Well meiying, I didnt tell you this. But while ...

The truth hurts. It really does. Thursday, 4 August 2011 HiHiHi! Today, was kinda good. Well for me, hahaha. So yeah, I woke up had sahur and then head off to school, took the train and then I stopped by at kembangan. Idk, My instinct told me too, and Today the things that I prayed for really came true. Shhh. Secret. Thank you, allah. :) I walked as pernormal, then once I reached his house. I saw a blue shirt near the gate, and Im like shit! He must be there. So I rannn, all the way like a mad woman. And I reached school, I sweat like a pig. So I sat with Meiying told her exactly what happened, and Im right. He came after me. phew. So yeah, Assembly was like awkward. Well as always, I was facing him. well abit, cause I turnturn behind talking to Ng JiaHwee, So yeah, I turnturn, He did too. I have no idea why, i mean. suddenly, I give him the o.O look. lool, he was like. o-O something like that, then we both look away. Salman started talking to me and crap. pewpewpew! hehehe, and then y...

well, my feet trembles whenever you're really near. Or whenever you just had to walk pass. Wednesday, 3 August 2011 HiHi! Yesterday, I studied reall hard last night, and yeah. It definitely paid off, and Hopefully I can beat WeiYi. Hahaha, zahidah. In your dreams, So i came about 740 today, In the bus I sat beside Daniel lee, he's so cute. Yknow he's kinda sneaky. So the bus stopped, and I saw Meiying and Meiting walking in to school, They also just reached. I went to sit with them, Studied my PAL. And yeah, this Jiahwee came late. He came about 10minutes later, woo. He went off with his friends at first to the cricket pitch to play soccer? And came back with IceLemonTea in his hands. There was a gap at first, He sat there, I was facing him. I was daydreaming while studying. LOL. So while I was mumbling some words, I was staring at the tree behind him. So random. As long as he never BHB can already. woo, Im so glad that assembly, I didnt sit near him. hehehe, I turned behi...