I dont know what I feel.

Exactly ! I wanna be more than friends, well I mean bestfriends. Just like good old times we use to share, But I cant have that anymore. omg, why are you so perangai like crazy? Shaziq Haziq. You're annoying. Officially annoying. People keep on asking me, what do i see in you. You're special. You're sweet, caring, nice, funny.. whoa. Idk. everything. And It disappoints me to know, you're in love with someone else.

Wednesday, 17 August 2011

I woke up, shit! Late, 6:50am. Then bathe and all, I went to the other side to catch the train, and then I saw bus 5 coming and I ran. I saw my sister running for the bus too. She was able to catch the bus, But I didnt managed too. Fucking driver, purposely didnt see. Fuck lah. I flagged a taxi and I stopped at Pasir Ris Interchange. Took the train, and In my mind im like. " hmm, confirm I'll get to meet shaziq later, he's always out around this timing " I was still thinking about it all the way, weird. Till I reach bedok interchange, and then i place my ez-link card and guess what? I saw keshvin! and I asked him. He's waiting for Jarett. zomg, if there's Jarett there's shaziq. Duh! So yeah i sat at the bus stop staring into the escalator hoping he'd come out. and then wishing the bus would be late, and it was! like 15minutes late? really. And he came out, I saw him walking. Apparently, he saw me too. He was flagging a cab, and when i reached school. He was there first, So I was story telling with Amirah all about it and stuff. So yeah assembly! So shiok, but fucking hot like crazy please. I sat somewhere in the middle as always, ooo look. Thian wenwei. Then he sat there, Direct view please. And then he was talking to amal. I was randomly smiling to myself, and then he turned. He was like. He turn then he saw me and then he quickly turn back. LOL, he saw me smiling to myself. What a retard. Then monitor must go to the back to collect some stuff right? He went, and after he was walking back. I was talking to Jiahwee and stuff, and like kinda looking at him. Behind me got two spies looking at me, Zakiyah and Ifaaf. They were smiling at me, so pedo. after PAL, I was queueing up outside my classroom. He's class was above mine? So yeah, I saw Salman & Jam? WTH. He is having maths, he could have just gone down the stairs. Obvious much. And then, Recess. I check, and I cant fast anymore): So sad. So yeah, I break my fast asking Jiahwee and Meiying to buy us drinks. Wtf, Shaziq was there at the cricket pitch. Its the express place la. I sad or what, then Im like, " Ifaaf. Zakiyah, Should I go there and talk to him? I wanna talk it out " Then they encouraged me to go, since he was alone. So yea, I got up and I walked ot him and sat.

Me : Hey .. *voice wanting to almost cry*

Shaziq : uhm hi ..

Me : can we talk it out ? Do you still wanna be friends ? Or remain as this ?

Okay at this point of time, I swear I wanted to laugh cause he's face was like smiling at me since just now.

then yeah, the conversation went on and omg. All his answers were, I dont know. And when i came back, Zakiyah Ifaaf was like, " omg you guys so cute together like smilingsmling like that! aww !" okay #awkward. So yeah, DNT after that Science. So after school, I went down to the staffroom, met rukshana and then there was Wenwei and the gang, He was superb close to me. Like an inch close! Im serious, Like if I turn behind my face only, and If he turn at the same time can kiss like that. HAHAHA, no seriously. Cause over there squeezy then he finding for teacher, I was near the uhm speaker thing. He was there too, So yeah. I had this challenge that I should say Hi to him. And then yeah, I'd finish my task. Since He was that close to me, I came nearer to him and I poke him. He turn, he gave me the stare and then he walk away. I wanted to like, say Hi. But I was too late, LOL. HAHA, omg i couldnt believe I didnt feeling anything when i was near him. I feel super short beside him, he's like so tall like that like giant. ._. So yeah, had meeting for awhile. I was like, okay cher! we got to go, and then we saw wenwei walking. And since we were in a rush to makan, We were like, " OKAY BYE CHER. -run-" I was running pass him, superb paiseyh lah. He was walking back home alone, hmm. Act cool, saw bus then we ran for it. Makan at Ifaaf place. Sedaaap gile! :) Hen hao zhi. So yeah, blahblahblah maths remedial and crap then we went back. Saw Jun, and I was like," BYE JUN " he waved. And then, i took the same train as akram back home. We were like having our heart to heart conversations and then he asked me this.

Akram : soo, I saw your letter to shaziq. I kinda took it from his bag without him knowing, and then he scolded me. So whats up with your feelings towards him?

Me : I dont know I swear. Its weird, to actually have feelings for him though. hahaha.

Akram : but you do know right, he likes sabrina? its pretty obvious to me though.

Me : I know, to me too, I mean who wouldnt ? after you got so close and stuff.

Akram : Why do you like about him? He's nothing special.

Me : uhm, I dont know. -lied-

So yeah all the way, I hate this crap. it somehow annoys me, and kinda breaks my heart to know that, you've moved on. Whoa zahidah, you missed alot of chances back there. and you deserve it. whoa. what a bitch i am. And then i went back home. and yknow what? I talked to weilin, and apparently wenwei ever asked her for stead. like wtf? On uhm, early may? Weilin rejected because she didnt had feelings for her, and Weilin told me probably wenwei now likes Kody? But I read his convo with her, nope. Kody like someone else. hahahahaha! wait, Im not suppose to care, but whatever. Thian wenwei, is like I dont care I dont feel anything, but whenever you and a girl hmm are close. it hurts? #wtfbro.

mix feelings, fcuk it.