Dear diary,

Saturday, 15th December 2012 Precisely. Especially when i start to scroll through twitter at night sometimes, or come across some shit i didn't look forward to.. just like yesterday. I saw something that broke my heart into pieces. Wait, what am i saying? Its already shattered into pieces anyways, i don't wanna bother picking it up again. That feeling.. when you know, you've moved on like really you do. You look at them(him&her) and you're just there thinking, 'they would be great together' then after that when you somehow accidentally came across something you see between them.. your eyes start to get all wet and teary, and the best part? It fell.. automatically. Its been a really long time since i've last teared for him, and this tears just.. fall. All of a sudden. Out of nowhere. And the next thing i knew? I was crying myself to sleep. Seems dramatic but.. i dont know really. I dont know what im feeling.. I'm confused. Do i miss him? yeah,

First Picture: Ifaaf's and my creation. Lovely isnt it? hahahaa. Second Picture: Rock band! We all got tired so we sat down for awhile. hehe. Third Picture: I cant live without. Fourth picture: Just dance 4. It was a great work out. Thursday, 13irteen December 2012 o h my god, I read back my last post and im like *facepalm* bloody hell. I didnt check my mistakes. So embarassing. Anyways, today was pretty much the best time i ever had with my friends. Its been a long time since we hang out during the holidays, everyone's so busy with their own life. Practically have time to meet them, but I'm glad I did. Woke up at 10, As always checked twitter. Gosh, I wonder who are your tweets referring to but i couldnt be bothered to care so whatever. Got up and dressed, had lunch with Amirah and straight away went to meet them. It was great, we played RockBand. Sang songs. Had loads of fun, I didnt even had a single thought in my mind. Being around your friends is the

Wednesday, 12 December 2012 Its 3 in the morning, and oh lookie here. its 12/12/12. ahhh..  Those questions i ask myself everyday, looks like it has been answered. Scrolling through my Skype Conversation wasn't a bad thing after all. Thanks Amirah. Today i realized, I'm the idiot all along. Wait, not really. Partly was his but whatever. Lets call him L, L.. why? Lri. Well only some would know. If only he knew all this while, those things I said in the conversation when we were friends.. I don't know what has gotten into me. I was so alone.. And I thought I had somebody, but i thought wrong. He had someone else, the reason why i had to cover up with a lie too. I didn't want to look so pathetic thinking it was only him that I had. But yeah, He was the only one. Its stupid how i still cry over those conversations we had, But hey. I found my answers. Now i know the reason why he deleted me off from instagram, unfollow me on twitter, deleted me off skype. Gosh I wont b

And Im glad that i've met you cause I have someone to talk to, someone who will actually listen to all my rants and merepekness and never complain. Sharing secrets with each other, Having heart to heart talks. omg, youre gay. hahahahaha, just kidding.. Though you've not been there with me for a long time but its okay, you're still my good friend. & I understand. I'd like to thank you actually, For being there for me the past couple of days. I swear i dont know what i'd do without you, okay... thats not literally what i meant but i'm glad you're here for me or else if i had'nt met you.. i'll probably be rolling on my bed crying my eyes out and still not getting over it being all pathetic (which i alr am acc 2 you. idiot) I'll definitely keep that promise between us so.. I won't have to look more pathetic. Heh. Well I gotta say, you're that one friend who always knock some sense into me and i honestly.. like that alot. I meant most of t

nope, not yet but i hope it'll be soon. It's pathetic how you're trying real hard to forget me. Cause you can never really forget someone whom you truly loved. I should've seen the signs, I should've seen it coming. Well I did, but I chose not to believe it. Because I thought you're better than this. But I thought wrong.. Everyone always proves me otherwise. Sigh pie. Tuesday, 27 November 2012. Vhut a rainy tues-day. Past few weeks was.. sort of productive. Going to the library every tuesday and thursday.. feels like a daily routine for me. Hahahaha. Well definitely not alone, but with a goodfriend. winkwink* ahahahahhaa. That gundu. Past few weeks seems pretty fine to me, My days were great. Alhamdullilah. So I went to the IT fair, the other day on friday brought amirah along cause my dad asked me to go around and help him look for a laptop. So yeah, I went. Took the same train as Shaziq, He was working at John little. hahaha, how cute. Walked around

Yup . Everyone. though they promised not to, but they did anyways. I'm nothing special so they left, it was that easy. Whats the point of asking them to stay anyways, If they wanted to. Life's different now. Better, not bitter. But I gotta admit, there are still those days when i feel so blue. He left, He found someone new, He replaced me, He's happy. & I am too. But I deserved it, I know. Nothing matters to me anymore. I've met some guys, one or two.. promise not to leave to always stay by my side and will wait. lol. I don't wanna lower my walls down again, I don't want to get myself hurt again. After the day, he left for good. I thought i was going to be.. sad/depressed/hurt, i thought id do crazy stupid things just to get him back. But.. no. I believe i'm stronger than before. Though he did affected me alot those past few weeks but, fuck. I'm never going to be that weak again, I'm not gonna lower my standards just because of him. Hell no

Ahh this, yes this. Thats what you said. Stay friends. Bull shit. I want you, you to talk to me. You said you'd be fine w anything else.. right? I dont understand myself, whenever i think about him, I'd think in a good perspective and that hes trying to tell me something, I never thought i'd be something bad. I bring hopes to myself I guess? Thursday, 5 July 2012 Hi Hi. I feel, I feel like a total loser. Like nobody needs me, Like I'm freaking useless. I've been alone by myself these past few days. Ifaaf has problems that I do not want to interfere, Michele.. I dont know. I dont know what Im feeling, I dont want to end up like last time, I'd just let it go next year. I swear. Feeling soo.. Hais. Nevermind, No one would understand. Today? Today I had a really long day, But overall it was great. Everything actually, Especially After school. After free period, Shannon wanted to head to the prata shop. Im fine with it, So we were heading there, Shannon was behi

In another life, Id make you stay.. So I don't have to say you were the one that got away. Tuesday, July 3rd 2012 Oh hey, Hi. Today? well obviously something happened the reason why I am here. So I was wondering, Have you ever wanted to change your fate? Like the things thats happening now, Is this what you wanted? Regretted any decisions you made? I know I did. I dont get myself, Wenwei has been very rude, Though we talk and we're friends but.. I dont know. I still.. I dont know, I'd hate him for a split second and then here I am again. Trying to get over him, especially in school. I always remind my myself, Its only a crush so I wont get high hopes when we happen to 'clash' or 'meet', I'd think its my coincidence huh? I cant help myself, Everytime I look at him or he happens to look at me, My heart just skips a beat. Or when I'm near him, I have this.. feeling. Indescribable feelings. Hais zahidah, you're total bullshit. Anyways back to w

Why? Why am i giving up slowly? giving up slowly on our relationship? why whenever school happen to reopen and i see your face everytime, I start remembering of us. What we used to be. And when I caught you staring or just happen to look, my heart skips a beat or when you're near. I'd get excited. Why?  Wednesday, June 27th 2012 I'm finally back, after a few months I was away. I was so busy with life till I didnt had the time to blog anymore, this blog had memories. School reopened last two days ago, 1 month of holiday seemed superbly short. & Once I'm back in school, here we go again. Seriously, I really want to know this feeling I have for wenwei. Is it love? Or just a crush? And for Michele too. He makes me really happy but.. when I am with him. The feeling isnt the same for when I am with wenwei though we don't talk anymore. I had a dream yesterday, A wonderful dream. A dream that he'd come back, and that he regretted and promised to chang

I hate myself. I swear. To think about the fact that i've moved on from him. I just cant. I'm still stuck here, and now its worst i guess. Because Im still with Michele. Its like, everytime I look at him, feelings.. real feelings comes back. And when Im with Michele. I dont know, I guess. Its a crush kinda feeling. This sucks, I dont know what im feeling at all. I know, this could be all of a sudden to suddenly have feelings for wenwei again but its not. Guess, I didnt truly let go of him. I just claimed as though I am, but I'm not. Still, no matter what. I wont give up on my relationship because of my doubts. Im just in the middle, I dont know what to do AT ALL. I wanna let go of michele, But i know it wont be worth it. But to think that him is all i ever think about is worst. Even Fatimah was like " See la this girl, Michele always think about her everyday and she thinks about wenwei instead " hais. I dont know what i feel, I dont understand myself either. Seri

Hi Im back after 12345678 years. This blog, You must have realized why I stopped blogging right? This blog brings back memories, always give me high hopes. Thus I stopped, cause I've moved on. But who cares? Im gonna start blogging about this kind's of stupid things again. Alot of things, Idk. Haiya, like last time.Things happen. I sometimes i really wonder if they still do give a shit about me. Tomorrow is my 2nd monthsary with love. Yes, Michele Indemini. Hehe, I love him. oh oh! Its sports day too. hehe. Wednesday, Tuesday, Monday. 21/20/19 March 2012 Monday, First day of term 1! wheepee? Skip to after english, went down for Circle time want to walk pass miss evelyn ooi class but didnt managed too. dayum! hahaa, oh well. Wen wei's class was beside me. Before that teacher gave us instructions. Shes like, "since you guys got enrichment, place your bags in the classroom and Im gonna release you guys 2minutes earlier" Bell rang. All ran out, Well 302's class.

' Because of you, I have trust issues. I don't trust any girl he looks at or even talks to. And I know I'm being over the top, but I can't help it. The trust issues go beyond that, I don't trust anyone with everything anymore, I don't trust myself not to get hurt. I don't trust anyone not to just leave without an explanation. I just have trust issues and I thought you'd like to know they're because of you. So congratulations, you've fucked up my life even now after I've moved on. ' Yes Wenwei. And its all because of you. Well not only you, Every other guy. God. And Michele, I dont know. I hope I can trust him. Hope he wont break my trust like all those fucktards. Oh well? Its been awhile since I last blogged. Guess because the only reason why i did was because of him ? What the fuck was I thinking? Hoping that one day he would read all this and come back? Lol. Fucking joke. But Guess what? I've moved on. I know ive been saying this fo

After what naufal told me, i feel super bad. Knew it was my fault. To anyhow brain wash you, and to start assuming that shes not that into you. gosh zahidah. Bet hes in love with you because you were the one who has been there, when she isnt. And within that week, he took that opportunity to replace her with me. I came at the wrong time. She was really into him and He was really into her, and all the 'excuses' we think she made was actually true. & when i told him that i want them to be back together, i was actually serious about it. I ruin it. I feel like shit. ugh.

I feel like shit. Like literally. So pissed with myself. Now how can i fucking prove to you that i've moved on? Okay maybe i do still care, but I dont have that kinda feeling towards him anymore. ugh. I dont know i dont know i dont know. Forget it. You wont understand me anyways. Mixed feelings? I suppose? Even if i tell you how i feel, even if im sad about it and shit.. idk.. oh well. Sometimes i feel like im giving high hopes. but nahh, im not that kind of person anymore. Monday, 9th January 2012 HeyHi! Woke up today early in the morning, hmm. Wondered why he didnt text me. Oh well. Texted effie yesterday night, we both had some heart to heart conversations. And.. I swear i could feel her :/ Head to school, Sat alone. Read my book, This love story book iz awesum. Ifaaf came, and I was still there reading my book super engrossed. Potato texted asking if I could help him buy his school stuffs? Cause he was late? I was superb lazy to help him buy his stuff, cause the queue was long

Thian WenWei, WHY YOU NO TREAT ME NORMALLY?! Thursday, 5th January 2011 Heyhi! Got my goodmorning text from Michele. Hehe, yaay! Well, today? Uhm. We've known each other since June the 5th. Last year, so uhm. 7th month now? But we werent that close then. It was October then we became close? Surprisingly. Love my bestfriend! Never ending? Jom! So today, uhm. Was kinda interesting. Amaths? We thought free period. blahblahblah. Skip. After geography, i walked straight to Mother tongue thought it was the normal class and I thought he would be downstairs chinese class? Walk up only. I see him and 'bestfriend' together walking somemore heading to art. Im like O.O so uhm, He saw me. He hide inside the toilet. ahahahahha. He was talking to ms kee, my art teacher~I still wonder why he and him can still be friends. like hello?! share girl also can ah? Had art for the last period and oh I had a heart to heart conversation with Salman. So it goes something like this. If I remember a

I have no idea why. Its like, this yknow. little bit of hope, But its weird how only when I see him. I only get those feelings back again, I tried to avoid from looking but I dont know why i cant resist it myself. ahh. Kill myself. See I told you, Im suppose to be over it. Maybe I am? Maybe Im not? I dont really know. Wednesday, 4th January 2012 HiHello! Second day of school? So uhm, Woke up early texted bestfriend. And head of to school, Bought nasi lemak and then met Ifaaf at the palm cove. It was coming to 8, and I dont know. I just had to turn, and look who walked pass. And Just nice super chim, He walked pass. Well he was from the gate, and Palm cove wasnt that far either. Ifaaf said He looked fat with his long pants. HAHAHA. Anyways, Sat down, table was super close to him cause got potato's gang and all. Why me face him?! hais. Then "bestfriend" came, I kinda stalked his twitter and so many emo posts. I wonder, who is it for. Sabrina? Maybe. Cause I know he's

Do you? Do you still love me? hmm. I always wonder. ahhhhh, I dont know what the shit im feeling. I guess, I should give other people a chance. Like Ifaaf said, I should give myself a break from him. I honestly dont know what i want sometimes. Tuesday, 3 January 2012 Heyhey! First day of school. wohooo! Well, im suppose to go to school with them.. But dad said he wanted to send me to school.. so why not? hehe. Reached school about 630? First person I saw? Akmal! Hahaha, He look super matrep with his long pants. And then Thila, gave her a big hug. omg, miss her. Went into the canteen, and sat with my lovelies 203. Uhm, Jianhao and Frans was there, then Weixiang and then Timothy and then Ravi then Izak. They look super weird with long pants, and Im already hyper. Hahaha, Asked Ravi about Yasmina and he's like "Im SOO OVER IT" like WHOA, guys. And he's like, "You?" And I changed subject. ahhh. I think about 655? He came. Thila told me to turn, and say look! And