Dear diary,

Pretty please? I got loads to talk about today. Wednesday, June 29 2011 Hi hello Hi. I woke up at 6 today, Im such a happygirl. I prayed that today would be a good day for me, again. Orang kate kalau sembayang subuh, insya'allah dapat your wish. hehehe. Bathe and all, Took 17 to Pasir ris inter, met up with Akram. Well, saw him actually. Then train-ed to Bedok. I followed him to Mac, I wanted to eat. Hungry. He told me that, there would be bestfriend. We're actually a-okay. But we still didnt spoke one bit. So yeah reached Mac, and there was Jarett. Said Hii to him, and then makan. Before that he was giving shaziq the look thinking that I didnt see. haha, okay so. Walked to school with them, super awkward. whatever, reached canteen, hugged ben. Went up hall, I think Jarett said something to him, that made bestfriend turned and look up on me. whatt. Assembly, so I sat on the floor already, He and gang was there. And Salman, of course, He is so.. lool. So I sat, and then He saw m

That moment when you caught him looking at you : okay, well thats how i kinda looked like. But more creepier. HAHAHAHA. I'll tell you guys later :P

THIS GUY IS FUCKING HOT OKAY. I forgot his name, but he acted in 'wild child'. SO CUTE, I SWEAR. I'd fuck him right now. NOW BBY NOW. ON MY BED. LOL ZAHIDAH. so excited. Tuesday, 28 June 2011 Early in the morning, blahblahblah. Skipped everything. I woke up, and I prayed. I pray that today, hopefully would be a good day for me. & Apparently it was. Amin. I tell you okay? So i went to the canteen, I searched for my friends like some retard and I didnt managed too, so instead I walked past him and his gangs. lool. Assembly started, so yeah. I sat infront i meant, middle. As always, I know he was gonna sit behind. But i guess wrong. So apparently, Ifaaf was infront at first, then yeah. amirah was beside, she went off after that to go to erm. Duties? So i moved up, And apparently he did too, -.- annoying much. I was at the same row as Salman! he and I were like talking using hand signs. So dope, He was behind. Duh, everytime. So yeah, talkedtalked. So funny, cannot tahan.

We boys don’t get butterflies, we get fireworks. We don’t have you on our mind 24/7, but we do have you on our hearts. Often, yes we wait for you to go online, sometimes simply even just being online makes our heart skip a beat, even if we don’t talk. Whenever you talk to us, our face forms that half-smile; it means we are happy but are trying our hardest to not show it, and fail at hiding it. We do miss you all the time; granted, we’d spend all our time with you if possible. We don’t think of the smallest things you say, we think of every word you say, panicking at every single word, trying to define what it really means, to read between the lines. But wait there’s more. We would love you in a million ways. And once we start loving you there is no going back for us. No matter how hard we try we will always love a girl that has touched us. Us boys when in love will think of that girl first thing in the morning, and think of that girl last before we sleep at night. Whenever we see a cou

I think this is something like what actually happened to us. Except, we didnt talk it out. But, its so fucking true through. But, then I wonder if he still love me though. zahidah, you're still young. what love love, if its meant to be then it will be. *prays* I mean, I gotta face it. I cant, give up on him. I tried so hard, But everything just leads me back to him . Bestfriend pm-ed me the other night, we talked. But whenever i start talking about how 'happy' his life is without me, He'd either change the topic, forget about it or make excuses. Apparently he still knows me quite well despite everything we've been through. Sometimes, All i wanna know is the truth. Dont you miss us? Dont you ever want to see us back as bestfriends again? Maybe this time, It'd be different, since we're more 'matured' and stuff. Maybe, It could be better? Maybe, he just wants us to stay like this. Since he's happy. Im always telling my side of the story, I told him

*speechless* Apparently. I wrote my status first then he wrote it. I mean, was he trying to hint me or something? Or, replying to me? Oh wait, there's more. Okay my whole purpose is, why.. I mean, Im trying so hard to forget but It doesnt wanna leave my mind. So first off, I was looking through his Brisbane picture. There was this CookieMonster picture, omg damn fluffy lahh please. So cute somemore, cannot tahan that I had to liked it. hehehe. The second picture about eating at Mcd' who the hell would place the time? I mean, You could have just said " Going eat mcs at tamp mall with my brother" thats all, I mean. Unless if you wanted someone to visit you or something then, I think its more appropriate to place the time. The first one, the one i said I was looking through his pictures, it sure reminded me of the times we had at Plaza Singapura. Watching movies and eating swensens. kzahidah, dah dont emo already. & then a few seconds later he wrote it. Anyways, I&

So this was the status update, uhm on facebook the other day. Sickening isnt it? How coincidental is it, I would like to call it that way because well I dont know, we're just.. friends. Guess who took this? Nur Amirah Bte Kamarudin she was like, "Niceeeeeee hehehehe" She snapped. whoa, great minds think alike. Cheh step only zahidah. Then Im like, WHAT? same timing? LOL. She's like "cool sia i like" okay fine, maybe im over him but little stuff like this always makes me wonder, I mean even when people start talking about him. Tumblr, you're right. Im just doing good without him in my life, and apparently. I hope bestfriend too please, He's doing great without me for sure. Glad that i am too, Cant believe i separated ways with both of them. This sucks. Thursday, 24 June 2011 Im out suckers, Aliah slept over at my place. We went wildwildwet and shit, I was coolio. We had loads of fun gossiping, and shits like that. We were talking about him and bestf

okay so sweet, One day zahidah. One day, you'd get that perfect guy. I've been watching boys over flowers lately, And I've been relating it to my life. Kinda make sense. Bestfriend is Jihu, and him, Goo Junpyo. Hehehehehhehehe, So I'm Jandi. Well last time uh, not now. OKAY ZAHIDAH, so prasaan. Shit, monday schooling already? damndamndamn, I dont wanna see bestf face and his face. NoooOoooOooo. -.- Zahidah please get rid of your feelings, you mother fucker. So i went out with Syazwan and Aliah today, He's so annying i swear. Aliah also. She idiot, keep on saying me and him cute couple. WTF, we're fucking ex's. SHEESH, Ohr wait. She jealous laaaaa, totally understandable. Wah, they both so sweet o.o want see the pictures? HEKHEK, cannot. I was there, being all FOREVER ALONE. lol-ed. I cant believe syazwan know about, I liking bestf? When i dont, I DONT I DONT. I fucking dont laaaa, Not even for him. Just scared, the feeling would be the same again. okay zahid

Dear you, Hi! erm, I miss you. I miss your smile, your sweetsweet sincere texts, your warm cuddly hugs. I miss 08 october 2010. You're such a grown up now, you've changed. By appearance and attitude based. Matured. I've changed too, alot. I've been totally insecure about myself lately. Trying to make the correct decisions in life. I wonder how's your life currently. Met any girls you're interested with? Been in love with any other girl out there? I wonder, I always had. The last time you told me, you weren't interested in any, as you'd be busy concentrating on the exams. Really? you would? I wanna know, if. You have ever thought about the past. Well, about us. School is gonna re-open soon, Im nervous. Im scared, to face you again. I dont want that feeling. that feeling to come back.. These past few months without you, oh my. I swear, where ever i go. Reminds me of you, exclude the part about visiting kembangan. But really, online. shitty coincidence happ

Apparently im a confuse mother fucker, i have no idea. who, i have feelings for really. I mean, I know when im back in school. I'd still be into 08, & when I'm online its bestfriend. yeah, whatever call me a playger or what so ever, but this feeling. This feeling sucks, nah. I'd rather not be into both, I'd only get my heart broken. zahidah, there are many other guys out there, you'd just have to wait for your turn alright? I give up. All I'm asking for is one night. Just you and me. All alone. And if you can honestly say you dont feel anything for me after that night, I will finally let you go. As sad as it may seem, I still wait for your messages though :/ Sad isn't it? How no matter what you do or say to me... when you come running back... when you need me again... I'll be here, right here waiting for you, I'll take you back. No questions asked. Sad isn't it?

Apparently i'm just an annoying piece of shit to you now, woo. Okay, yeah I know I'm annoying. But I used to be soo annoying all around you last time, remember? Everything's so different now. okay, so sensitive lah you zahidah. I give up. Im sorry im annoying, its just. I wanna know, I want things to be like last time . But i cant get that anymore. Im sorry, I shouldnt give a fuck about your life now, I shouldnt even start talking to you in the first place. Shouldnt have cared. Shouldnt even have talked about it. Then, I finally realise I was the one who let him go. karma got me back, I left him. People leave me. *clapclap* Should have remained it that way. Strangers. Arent we now? whats wrong with you zahidah, seriously what do you want. After you thought about it, you seriously have no idea what happened to your friendship with me. I should have accept the fact that he was gone. For good. But NoooOoo, you just gotta make it right. I keep on thinking that things would go

please ignore my face. Meet Asrie & Arsyad . They are twins. The one with the grey hat is the adik, while the one with th brown one is the abang. Closer to the brown one. EH ALIAH ALIAH, ASRIE XD LOLOLOLOL k dah. I made two friends in phuket, Well actually three. But the sister isnt in. They are so cute, always ajak me to playplay with them. Im their big sissy, wooo. Apparently they made me smile, and not make me thing about a certain someone. So the past few days, with no phone and all, Its awesome. A getaway, But still. He's still running in my head all the time. No, its not 08. Im over him, now thats for sure. really, I guess im in love with my ex-bestfriend. Despite all the fights, and shitz. I have no idea why, I have feelings for him? urgh, wait no. I dont know really. Maybe im just in love with the memories thats all. The whole phuket trip was with the famous DJ fiza O from ria. I shopped alot, so shiok. Oh! I went into Surfers Paradise, reminded me of him -o- So expen

Nahh, he wont. hahaha, guys. So apparently just now, i was online. I commented on his status and all he said was 'ok' and another one he commented on the wallpost and he said 'k' ohfuck. im pissed off, all i wrote was 'bloody rude'. urgh, what is up with him, So much for being friends eh? I was just being friendly and erm, normal. and all you gotta do is be a dickhead, oh fuck you. I'll blog about today. Thursday, June 9 2011 So today i went out with Amirah. We had lunch together, since both of us were free. She had to go to dover after that to visit her cousin. But before i story telling with you all, I need to tell you guys something. You know the text messages i had with Bestfriend? yesterday i was re-reading it again and, I ACCIDENTALLY FUCKING DELETED IT. from the sweet shit we talk about to the fights and now ITS FUCKING GONE. GONE. and yeah, i cried. I KNOW STUPID RIGHT, okay i shall kill myself now. cheh kidding, but like. you know, those texts that

Yes, exactly. Well part of it, not really about the getting hurt part. Just not ready, yet. or maybe, forever. okay? can. omgomgomg, Its the 8th. woop. Happy 8monthsary! with my dickhead imaginary chinese ex boyfriend whom i err, dont care about anymore. weeee~ im full of crap, excuse me. geez. Tuesday, June 7 2011 Soo yesterday, I swear i forgot what i did. But im gonna talk about, what happened at night. boo, lool. ehh, I finished my school work, weee~ well except for some reports and compositions which i is lazy to do. I was lying down in bed, thinking about bestfriend. all of a sudden, gosh. Why do i always have to think about it? crap. pshh. & yeah, I started a conversation with him. Oh god zahidah, when will you ever learn? He's going aussie for a week, lucky guy. Surfing, waveboarding, longboarding. ohmygod, surfers are such cutie's :) zahidah, you're really a confused person. yeah, okay i do. I do love my bestfriend, well of course as a bestfriend. well, used .

which was the past 3 hours ago. okay now i shall story-telling about my birthday. btw, i love nur amirah kamarudin. I guess, shes the bestest friend anyone could have. No im serious, potato ask me to take care of her. & I will. okay. eventhough im no-good. Monday, June 6 2011 So i woke up at 1230pm today, yupp. Checked my phone, ohlook! bestfriend texted me. "Happy Birthday . " Replied. Nothing is the same anymore, urgh zahidah. you keep on repeating the same shit all over again. So i went online, facebook. My whole wall was filled with wishes, from even the dudes and chicks i dont know. weird, I checked and no you. sadly. So i kept on talking about it to amirah, when she was online. Amirah : heheheheheh hi HAPPYBIRTHDAY WOOO Me : HYPER OR WHAT whr's his wish? ): Amirah : OI -______________________- bestfriend? Me : he wished alr Amirah : wht he say ^^ this is interesting Me : happy birthday . DAH Amirah : _|_ hate him Me : I hate him ._. for not wishing me ): Amira

- An ex soccer player. - An italian guy. - And a potato. Yeah, okay. This is gonna be a normal post. Im posting for the second time, Im really bored. and its 335am. Yupp, Im still awake. like whaaat. I came back home, used the computer. Khairullah, Aron & Amirah were entertaining me. It all started from that post. He posted, like whaat. omg, so insulting. We were talking about random shit, Aron literally made me laugh. alot, cannot tahan. so cute :) yeah, alot of wishes, I really appreciate it guys. wah, even the people i dont know also, they wish me. Im like.. okay.. suddenly they popped up from nowhere, how awesum. I'll post some other things k! tomorrow, cause who knows maybe.. hehehe. might wish me, and no. not him . Im talking about fb, and lcmh. woo! Dear bestfriend, Truthfully, have you ever. evereverever, miss 'us'? I meant, like how close we used to be. & the lame fun jokes we shared, especially the laughters. the times we spent together, dont you ever miss

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! Im finally 14. I feel so, old? I dont feel excited about it though :/ Yeah, its his brother. ohgod. Sometimes i wonder, what he meant by 'friends'. When we dont talk at all, and if i do. He would either get mad, or make something up. If he's busy or not. sheesh. If only he would wish me, i swear. My whole birthday would feel so complete . Probably not. I feel so.. I dont know. weird. I mean, I swear. I had no more feelings left for him anymore. Then, I dont know. This feelin', Like something aint complete. Just a fucking wish. fuck no, im not desperate for his wish. I just.. urgh. Lets just see zahidah, and if he doesnt then. I dont know. fuck this feeling. I wonder if its killin' him like how its killin' me. urgh, I just dont feel right. Bitch laa. zahidah, its just a wish. nothing special. why are you taking it all too seriously? dont tell me. you're still in love sometimes, i really wish you would swallow your damn pride and admit th

HiHiHiHi. 2 more days till my birthday. woots~ 14 here i go. hahaha, Im gonna be old. Im currently watching wizard's of the waverly place. okay, so what do i want for my birthday? Simple. I wanna be a-okay with 08. Oh, and i just hope to get a birthday wish from him. Eventhough we all know its impossible. I just want things to go back just like old times. Where me and 08 were just friends. Hanging out, talking together and shit. I dont want us, to be. Strangers. Apparently, now we are. Oh how much i miss his hugs, his lips, the way he holds my hand. He doesnt even matter what his friends think about me as long as he loves me. god, zahidah. you made a huge mistake. & Im here pretending everything is gonna be fine. But really, its not. See, this is why i hate being alone at home. Suddenly memories come and ruin everything. I'm afraid to go back, going back to school. Facing reality, facing. Him and bestfriend. I wanna walk past him with a smile on my face, Im gonna act as if

Read from mine to irfan's. This idiot. since yesterday yknow he disturb me, lool. & yeah, he was replying to my status. If only the guy i like/care feels like this :/ I mean, you know.. okay nvm. So basically, today. I decided to talk to bestfriend, I dont know. i just miss him. okay, alot. Like alotalot. & I thought it would be a good start for June. Since its my month, haha. I seriously dont know something just asks me to talk to him. Okay so, yesterday night I went to Aliah's house. There was this awkward moment at first, till she talked to me about some girl. ohgawd, made me rofl. I started asking her then, about how she knew bestfriend. ye eleh, then after that while we were talking. This aliah, she so stupid. Went to text him and told him, I was at her place. blahblahblah, Aliah asked him a few questions, and he thought it was me. -.- please. She doesnt even allow me to touch her phone. Aliah was like, EHH!! AKU NAK KORANG BAIK BALIK :( CONFIRM CUTE. im like.. hah