losing faith.

Dear you,

Hi! erm, I miss you. I miss your smile, your sweetsweet sincere texts, your warm cuddly hugs. I miss 08 october 2010. You're such a grown up now, you've changed. By appearance and attitude based. Matured. I've changed too, alot. I've been totally insecure about myself lately. Trying to make the correct decisions in life. I wonder how's your life currently. Met any girls you're interested with? Been in love with any other girl out there? I wonder, I always had. The last time you told me, you weren't interested in any, as you'd be busy concentrating on the exams. Really? you would? I wanna know, if. You have ever thought about the past. Well, about us. School is gonna re-open soon, Im nervous. Im scared, to face you again. I dont want that feeling. that feeling to come back.. These past few months without you, oh my. I swear, where ever i go. Reminds me of you, exclude the part about visiting kembangan. But really, online. shitty coincidence happens, anywhere i go. I see 8. Not only that, sometimes i would bum into your brother! for god sakes. I wonder, have you encounter any of this? Walking pass me in school, Accidentally having eye contacts, somehow coincidentally meeting you too. Im sorry, I took advantage of you. Im sorry, I had jealousy to ruin our relationship. I've met loads of guys out there for the past 7 months, when it comes to relationships. They are nothing compared to you, its different. And no, I dont go around flirting knowing all this but when, they asked. Idk, from then on, I just dont feel ready. At all. I don't give any chances to anyone, i dont know what i want anymore. Im confused, sorry. If we're meant to be, it wouldnt end this way. I have to move on, I've been trying to this month but, I just know the feeling would come back once school re-opens. I can feel it. I just wanna know, what and how you feel honestly. What am i thinking? He? reading all this? ha, right. Dream on zahidah, dream on. I give up.

you know whats weird? the fact that bestfriend is gone, and he is back. And when bestfriend was here, he's gone. When bestfriend is offline, he's online. When he's online, bestfriend is offline. Ironic huh?